Your Life Is a Life of Hope! by Lord Birthday

Author:Lord Birthday
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Andrews McMeel Publishing
Published: 2020-03-16T21:02:01+00:00

Castles

Living in a castle is a tremendous honor of Heaven. The servants. The curtains. Noticing that the servants are making love in the curtains. Stripping down to your undies. Spying on the servants. Surprising the servants. Firing the servants. For calling your undies “them saggy sails.” And then laughing. Ha ha really funny. These are boxers.

But do we have this castle option in today’s contemporary life? No. Only option is to build a castle life in your brain. Here is how I do it:

It is Christmas Eve, and I am a child in a castle. No no, I am a MAN in a castle.

Anyway, I am a man, and it is Christmas Eve, and I am sitting in the North Tower, looking out the little round window. I see frost and dark trees and snow coming down in strings. I am in my red pajamas, cozy as a summer hen. I can hear music coming from the ballroom. The Christmas waltz! The music fades. The clock strikes ten, the chimes ring out. The moment is here. The people want a story.

I walk to the balcony, my pajamas flapped open like a split strawberry. I speak to the crowd, my voice loud and bold and true:

When I was a child I got kicked in the plundercarriage by an old goat named Neville.

“Ouch!” I yelled. “Mom help! Neville kicked me in the weiner!”

“Oh my god!” she said.

“Neville!!!!!! My balls!!!!!!!!” I said.

“Hold on, which was it, your weiner or your balls?” she asked.

“Oh those are different?” I said.

It was then that I realized I would never be king.

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