Yoga Bitch by Suzanne Morrison

Author:Suzanne Morrison [Morrison, Suzanne]
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
ISBN: 978-0-307-71745-0
Publisher: Crown Publishing Group
Published: 2011-08-16T04:00:00+00:00

April 1

Easter Sunday.

I’m lying in bed, trying to accept that yes, I’m in a little pain, but it will pass. I’m detached from my pain, and engaged only in this writing.

That said, there is the cutest little baby gecko running around on the windowsill. It’s smaller than my pinkie finger!

Anyway, today: Easter. The Resurrection. We didn’t go to church. I don’t even know if there are churches on this island. We didn’t go to any temples, either. I mean—why would we? No, we went to a spa. It was called the Sacred Spa. Which is sort of holy, right? (Sometimes it strikes me as funny, this New Age business. In the eighties, I’d bet the spa would’ve been called “You’re Rich, They’re Not! Spa.” But these days anything that costs a bit of scratch has got to be spiritual or we don’t approve.)

Which is cool. I mean, in a way, my spa experience did feel spiritual. But maybe that’s just where I am right now—there’s no difference, anymore, between my mind and my body, so being touched and coddled is amazing. I feel like Zorba the Greek, opening my arms to the world.

Jessica cried a little while we got pedicures. The woman who was taking care of her insisted on shaving off about twenty layers of skin and calluses from Jessica’s heels. She probably lost a shoe size. I’d bet she was the highlight of her pedicurist’s day.

“I got those calluses walking the earth,” Jessica said, watching the shavings collect beneath her feet like so many slices of Parmesan. “That was my whole life built into my feet.” She looked at me helplessly.

“Your heels have been reborn,” I replied. “Consider it an offering in honor of the Resurrection. Beginning of a new cycle.”

That cheered her up a bit.

Now that I think of it, my time at the Sacred Spa was a bit of a spiritual journey. I walked through fire in order to reach salvation. I scaled the cliffs of fear and suffering and found myself closer to God.

For you see, today I had my first bikini wax.

What’s crazy is that I’ve spent so much time in meditation and yoga practice that I’ve learned to relax instantly. So even though I howled with pain each time Reni, my aesthetician, ripped a swath of hair off my inner thighs, I fell asleep after each one. I dozed as she smoothed the hot wax on my leg, and gently pressed the cloth to the wax, and then I came awake with a shriek the instant she tugged it off.

I wailed as if she were skinning me alive. But then I fell back asleep until she pressed on a newly bald spot, which made me howl again. Reni winced, but I could tell from the way her mouth twitched that she thought I was completely bizarre.

“Sick, sick!” she said, hiding a laugh with a cough. I opened my eyes and yelped as she tore another patch of hair off. “Sensitive, sensitive!” It looked

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