Who's a Good Boy? by Joseph Fink

Author:Joseph Fink
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: HarperCollins
Published: 2019-04-01T16:00:00+00:00

He whispered all of this from underneath the turntable in the DJ booth. He reported seeing looming shadows in the near-black. The shadows of hulking figures with what appeared to be either antlers or very elaborate hats. He could feel the floor trembling beneath him as if there were a stampede of beasts or a clash of angry gods.

Williams reported that he just once (just one time in his life) wants people to be able to play arcade games and skate and bowl and drink sodas without fearing for their safety.

Listeners, do not go to the skating rink. And for those of you already there, take cover. Do not come out from your hiding place, not even if they put on Pat Benatar.

As I wait for further news from Intern Kareem at the skating rink, let me take you now, to the weather.

WEATHER: “Thinking of Milk” by Tristan Haze

Despite a terrifying start, the new skating rink sounds like a huge success, and everyone seems to be having fun again. It is clear now what has happened.

Intern Kareem said that when he arrived at the skating rink, he saw almost everyone from Night Vale. Leann Hart from the Daily Journal. John Peters, you know the farmer? Old Woman Josie and the beings Kareem insists on calling angels. Judge Siobahn Azdak. Even the City Council was there. Their black cases were all opened, revealing white retro skates with thick red and blue piping. It was a feel-good atmosphere on a feel-good day.

Kareem bought a soda, filled it with every flavor from the fountain, and put his bag in a locker. “Electric Lady” by Janelle Monáe was on, and he raced to the floor to have his first skate to his favorite song, only to see a group of hulking figures with elaborate hats enter. Kareem stopped dead in his tracks, standing and shivering in front of this menacing group.

Kareem had never seen them before but he recognized them immediately by their sound and their smell as the Management of this radio station. Kareem stiffened up, and prepared an explanation that he was here to work, to report on the new skating rink, and he was not slacking. But Station Management did not seem to notice him. They were gazing across the room at the City Council, who by this point had all donned short shorts and headbands and were twirling and spinning in unison around the rink.

Just as Beyoncé’s “XO” started playing, the City Council and Station Management all made eye contact. Station Management and City Council skated toward each other, and everything went dark. The record player scratched and all went quiet save for horrifying growls and animal screeching. Kareem could smell something briny and metallic, like olives.

While everyone scrambled to hide in fear, Kareem, himself a young man in a new relationship, knew exactly what was going on. He put on the night-vision goggles we require every one of our interns to carry at all times, and he watched as

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