White as Silence, Red as Song by Alessandro D'Avenia

Author:Alessandro D'Avenia
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Thomas Nelson
Published: 2018-07-16T16:00:00+00:00

Chapter 60

Silence.

It’s midnight. I’m sitting in the place where I sit when the world needs to go back to spinning in the right direction. It’s one of those places with a built-in button, the one for going back to the previous song. You push it and the world clicks back into place. You push it and the problem not only disappears, but never existed at all. Basically, one of those places that doesn’t exist. That place is a red bench along the river. A place only I know about. And Silvia.

I’m holding my head in my hands, as best I can with my arm in a cast . . . and I haven’t stopped crying since I ran away. Yes, because I ran away from my dream. My crushed dream. My hands are clutching the letter for Beatrice that Silvia wrote, drenched by my tears. I rip it into a thousand pieces with my teeth and my good hand. I discard the pieces into the current. There lies my black soul. My written soul.

And now every single fragment of my soul is drowning in the water, each going its own way so no one, no one, will ever be able to gather them up again. I’m drowning in each of those pieces of paper. I’m drowning a million times. Now my soul has gone, the current has carried it away. I want to be alone. In silence. Cell phone off. I want the whole world to suffer because it doesn’t know where I’ve ended up. I want the whole world to feel as alone and abandoned as I do right now. Without Beatrice who is dying, without hair. Without Beatrice, who won’t make it. And I didn’t even recognize the other half of my dream. I ran away from the girl I wanted to protect for the rest of my life. I am a coward.

I do not exist.

God does not exist.

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