Where'd You Go, Bernadette? by Maria Semple

Author:Maria Semple [Semple, Maria]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9780316204286
Publisher: Little, Brown and Company
Published: 2012-01-01T08:00:00+00:00

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FRIDAY, DECEMBER 17

From: Bernadette Fox

To: Manjula Kapoor

I’m back! Did you miss me? You know how I said I was going to come up with a way to get out of going to Antarctica?

What if I had emergency surgery?

My dentist, Dr. Neergaard, keeps insisting I get all four wisdom teeth removed, which I haven’t been in any rush to do.

But how about I call up Dr. Neergaard and ask him to remove all four wisdom teeth the day before the trip? (And when I say how about I call up Dr. Neergaard and ask him to remove all four wisdom teeth the day before the trip, what I really mean is how about you call up Dr. Neergaard and ask him to remove all four wisdom teeth the day before the trip?)

I can claim it was an emergency, and that I’m devastated, but the doctor forbids me from flying. That way, husband and daughter can go on the trip themselves and nobody blames me.

Dr. Neergaard’s number is below. Schedule my surgery for December 23, any time after 10. (There’s a school recital that morning, and Bee is doing the choreography. The little rotter has forbidden me from going, but I checked online and found out when it is.) My plan is this: I’ll go to school, then pretend I’m going Christmas shopping.

The next time anyone sees me, I’ll look like a chipmunk. I’ll claim my teeth had been aching and I popped by Dr. Neergaard’s. The next thing I knew, he had removed four wisdom teeth and now I can’t go to Antarctica. Here in America, we call that a win-win.

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