What I Think Happened by Evany Rosen

Author:Evany Rosen
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781551526966
Publisher: Arsenal Pulp Press
Published: 2017-09-27T04:00:00+00:00

1 | A quick aside on what the Protestant Church of England is at this time and what the hell all this more or less means: basically, as “what religion everyone should be now” violently oscillates between the reigns of Henry VIII, Edward VI, and Mary I, with Elizabeth I the Church of England is finally firmly and clearly established as a form of Anglicanism that is… still a weird hybrid of mostly Protestantism but with a few Catholic holdovers thrown in for good measure. To put it so much more simply than it should be put, the Elizabethan Settlement, also called the via media, which literally means the “middle way,” essentially means that Elizabeth’s reforms are a compromise that officially establishes Anglicanism as a Catholic-looking form of practical Protestantism. So no pope, no purgatory, and a more WASPy version of guilt, while still having big imposing cathedrals, plenty of incense, and “clerical vestments.” Oh, and recusancy is when you fail to show up to mandatory parish worship, which, when Elizabeth first introduces it, carries a one-shilling fine. Pretty reasonable, all things considered, and while she does go on to light up her fair share of Catholics over time, her fundamental approach to religion was about as modest and equitable as it gets for a Tudor: “There is one Jesus Christ, the rest is a dispute over trifles.” Nice.

2 | To name a few: her widower brother-in-law and also cousin, Philip II of Spain; his cousin, the Archduke Charles of Austria; King Eric XIV of Sweden; and even local boy and childhood friend, Joseph Fiennes (a.k.a. Robert Dudley, with whom she reportedly had a steamy affair and then also did not marry). France’s Duke of Anjou is also in the running for quite a while, but if Vincent Cassel’s version of him is to be believed, his favourite thing was partying on wine and then dressing up in his aunt’s lingerie and having sex with men only. Which, while deliciously cheeky, was unfortunately at the time more evidence of Satan living inside of your penis a bit. So he was a hard no. Incidentally, I really think something like the “Duke of Anne’s-Jewels” is the beginning of a great idea for a very high concept drag persona. Just putting that out there to any of my drag queen readers who are specifically looking for a way to make their act more historical and harder to explain.

3 | As an aside, I don’t really know how to feel about Lord Walsingham, other than morbidly fascinated. Depending on how much perspective you’ve managed to maintain about what England is at this point based on what I’ve managed to sort of tell you about it, he was either very cool or very creepy. Essentially, while Elizabeth was maintaining diplomacy and clemency upstairs, Walsingham (who was as loyal to Elizabeth as he was intensely anti-Catholic… so a lot) was downstairs using all the modern torture conveniences I’m sure you can imagine this period of

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