What Ever Happened to Jerry Picco? by John Barlow

Author:John Barlow [Barlow, John]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Humor & Satire, Humorous, Mystery; Thriller & Suspense, Hard-Boiled, General Humor, Mystery
Amazon: B004R1QBMY
Publisher: Storm Books
Published: 2012-03-29T11:00:00+00:00

Chapter Twenty-one

Johnny’s story has more holes in it than my ass. I’m lying on my stomach as a family doctor down in Trinidad deals with the puncture wounds in my buttocks. I wouldn’t say he’s trying not to laugh, but if he weren’t in his sixties with a walking stick and glasses I’d be making it a bit more obvious that smirking’s not the kind of expression I appreciate when I’m prone.

First I get kneecapped by an iPod-wielding midget. Then butt-ravaged by two lusty Alsatians. Why can’t I just get beat up, or shot, like in the movies? If Jerry Picco is alive and well someplace, he’s not gonna be when I find him.

The doc’s dabbing me with ethanol, but he’s using way too much. It’s running into my ass crack and stinging my bung hole, bringing tears to my eyes. What kind of a doctor is he? Primum non nocere. Don’t fix what ain’t broke. He forgotten his oath? On the other hand, a burning ring sure focuses the mind. By the time he’s done torturing me I’ve gotten a lot of facts in order. And a lot of lies. All in all, the dogs and the doc did me a favor.

If the house is off the grid, who was Johnny expecting when I showed? No phone? That explains his absence from the Rolodex, but so would the fact that Jerry never told Gloria he bought the lodge. And if the NBC code was about the midgets, all five of them, and Johnny was the missing one, why get a message to him? Did I just give him the message? Was my very visit a message, and if so, what did it mean?

Johnny lied about Gloria. Thinks I don’t know she’s Andrea, the wicked witch of the acid test. Then again, Gloria lied about Gloria. She also thinks I don’t know she’s Andrea. But if Gloria is not supposed to know about the house in Humbolt County, who’s gonna read the code in the diary and work it out? If Gloria did know what the code meant, why didn’t she tell me?

NBC, ALL FIVE!!! Jerry was about to disappear. Did he know he was going? Is that it? He wanted to tell Gloria? No, it doesn’t square. Does he just want to warn the guys that they should expect visitors? Was I supposed to make contact with the midgets for Jerry? Was I supposed to tell them that? Because all I did was scare the crap out of them all, and I got a smashed kneecap and a punctured ass for my trouble. Some messenger.

There’s more bull: nobody over in La Monza is gonna give too pieces of porno shit about some hearsay story of Princess Faith screwing Jerry Picco three decades ago. That’s the key to all this. You seen the internet? This kinda gossip’s everywhere. People make it up late at night when they’re bored. Prince Charles of England swings both ways. Queen Elizabeth does coke with gay butler (then blows him).

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