Unimaginable Zero Summer by Leslie Stella

Author:Leslie Stella
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9780307237835
Publisher: Crown
Published: 2005-04-26T00:00:00+00:00

“Charlie Brown.” Even as he said it, answering his phone for perhaps the hundredth time during this long temp gig, he heard his cubemates chuckling. The hilarity over his given name would never end.

Verity blurted out the news of her joblessness. Although glad to be finally shut of Team Leader Joe and clerkdom, she had never been unemployed before, and due to Tex’s insane work ethic, she found herself at sea on this, the first day of her liberation.

“You quit?”

“No, I was fired,” she corrected him. To most people, quitting was preferable to being canned, but to Verity it was better to be fired; she was willing to work if allowed to do things her way.

“Ahhh, unemployment,” he replied, leaning back in his office chair. “Please allow me, sitting here beneath the cold hum of a thousand fluorescent bulbs, to envy you. Live the dream, Verity, live the dream! For all of us on the inside.”

“I can’t live the dream, CB. I have to find another job. I won’t be able to collect any slack benefits because I was fired for insubordination.”

Charlie said, “That sounds so awesome!”

“But at least I dropped off an application at Blockbuster last night,” she said.

“Why?”

“I don’t know. I like the shirts.” Jesus, even she couldn’t believe the new depths to which unemployment had sunk her. “Anyway, I’m going to have a big greasy breakfast now at DeMar’s, then I’m going to look in the want ads. But first I was hoping to get an urban shaman blessing. You know, to help me find a job that won’t kill me.”

“Thank you for believing in my humble powers and my oft-misunderstood vocation. Interestingly enough, I’ve been compiling some fascinating information on a cool ritual that may be of some use in this area. Let me get my shaman PDA out and look it up. Yes,” he read from his notes, “here it is: Okay, first thing you do, you slaughter a sheep and bring me the blade bone—”

“What?”

“Oops, my bad. That’s not for unemployment, it’s for something else. Oh, here, I found it. It’s a simple blessing, designed to aid you in your job search.”

“Lay it on me. Should I kneel down or fold my hands or anything?”

“No, just look out the window and imagine yourself happy.” He began. “Gods of power, gods of light, steer Verity on the path to fruitful employment. Help her find work that is satisfying to the soul as well as the pocketbook. And also has a good dental plan, if it’s not asking too much.”

She waited, unsure if there was more. “That’s nice. Amen—er, I mean, thanks.”

“I’m sprinkling pencil shavings around my chair and also leaving half a chocolate doughnut as an offering on my desk altar.”

Verity smiled. “Half?”

“I got hungry,” he admitted. “It takes a great deal of intestinal fortitude to be an urban shaman in modern society.”

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