Unbound: A Woman's Guide to Power by Kasia Urbaniak

Author:Kasia Urbaniak [Urbaniak, Kasia]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: self help
ISBN: 9780593084533
Google: M7jNDwAAQBAJ
Amazon: 0593084519
Publisher: Penguin
Published: 2021-03-09T05:00:00+00:00

The Making of the “We”

It’s no secret that we live in one of the most isolated times in human history. Despite all of our virtual connectedness, the consensus is that we have many fewer close friends and people we can rely on.

Add Good Girl conditioning and the bittersweet victory of the Independent Woman, and you see how isolated women can become in this insular society—and how we end up connecting only through what we can offer, how we measure up.

When you are content to settle for only the crumbs that fall off the table, you insulate yourself unnecessarily, walling yourself off from an entire realm of collaboration, adventure, and magic. More than that, you cede your rightful position as active creator of your life; you relinquish the steering wheel and put yourself in the passenger seat with your desires locked in the trunk.

Asking is a revolutionary act against the isolation of the current age, and the blow that breaks the chains of the compression wrought by thousands of years of conditioning, leaving us free to connect and gather in communities where we can create things that no one person could do alone.

This is why I want you to feel not just good but fantastic about asking. If desires are a message from you to you about what makes you feel most alive, then an Ask is an extended hand, a way of inviting other people to participate in that part of you. If what they bring is the part of them that is most alive, then every link is powerful, and you are looking at the beginning of a truly transformative community.

Alia was one of my students, facing down one of the most unpleasant tasks that comes up when a marriage is over: she and her soon-to-be ex had to split up their possessions and sell the house they’d lived in together.

The heavy emotional weight of what she needed to do—sorting through everything in the house; figuring out what to keep, what to sell, and what to store; and then getting rid of everything else, cleaning the house, putting it on the market, showing it, negotiating the deal—was really bogging Alia down, so much so that she’d stopped being able to do the exercises in class. What she was facing was a huge amount of work, fraught with all her grief and guilt and disappointment about the end of the marriage.

My first question: “Why does it fall to you to do this, and not him?” Hello, invisible labor!

“I never really thought about that—I guess I do care more about some of the stuff in the house than he does.”

“Great!” I said. “What if you just went and took the things that you like?”

“I’d still have to figure out what to trash and what to sell. God, I wish I could hire someone to break in and steal the items I want to keep.”

Which made me jump up and down with excitement. “I love this idea! This is what you’re going

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