Trail of the Spellmans: Document #5 by Lisa Lutz

Author:Lisa Lutz
Language: eng
Format: mobi
Tags: Humorous, General, Women Sleuths, Fiction, Mystery & Detective
ISBN: 9781451608120
Publisher: Simon & Schuster
Published: 2012-02-28T08:00:00+00:00

THE BERNIE PROJECT AND OTHER MISCELLANEOUS ACTIVITIES

Gerty was gone when I got home. Her bags had presumably been packed, her bed had been made (probably not by her, judging from the military corners), and every sign of the disorder that naturally surrounded her had vanished. Besides, the perennial note, I’m not here, was no longer there, which struck me as being ironic. But Gerty did send me a succinct e-mail explaining that she broke the news to her son. While I would never thank Bernie for the grenade he threw into my life when he and Gerty began their baffling affair, there was an unforeseen benefit that I couldn’t ignore.

Once Henry had choked down the news from his mother, his hunger for any form of interpersonal communication was sated. His previous desire to talk had been replaced by an unprecedented desire to watch. I found him in the living room, staring blankly at a reality television show about reformed Dungeons and Dragons addicts. A show, under specific desperate circumstances, I could imagine myself toggling back and forth to, but not Henry. I removed the remote from his hand and changed the channel to cable news, which is his standby version of escape entertainment. He explained to me once that if you watch the news on what seems like a loop, suddenly it presents itself as fiction and you stop worrying (and maybe learn to love the bomb).

In local news, the oak trees got a stay of execution while the campus authorities continued their negotiations with the tree sitters. On the national front, their fifteen minutes of fame were at least fourteen minutes shorter and clearly skewed in favor of the Man.

“You know?” I said, as a conversation starter. And, frankly, this was one of those occasions when “Some weather we’ve been having” would have been superior.

“I know.”

“Can I get you anything?”

“Popcorn.”

“You need something to wash it down with?”

“Beer.”

I put on my coat and headed for the door. Then I figured I ought to say something.

“In my defense, there was no way to predict this would happen. I mean, Bernie?”

“I don’t blame you.”

“Thanks. But I promise it won’t last. I have a few more tricks up my sleeve.”1

“Leave it,” Henry said. “There’s nothing you can do.”

“If you say so,” I replied.

But I’ve discovered very few situations in which there’s nothing you can do.

While Henry quietly wallowed in the image of his mother with Bernie, I took action by attempting to machete every obstacle that lay in my path to . . . well, the status quo. What I wanted, I suppose, was for things to stay the same, for the universe to be in the same order it was in a few months ago (a simpler time) and for people to behave in the manner I had come to expect. I’ve got nothing against change, but sometimes it’s totally unnecessary.

There was no dearth of projects for me to sink my teeth into. I began with the Bernie Project, making several phone

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