Toyminator, The by Rankin Robert

Author:Rankin, Robert [Rankin, Robert]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Fiction, General, Fantasy, Humorous Stories, Humorous, Science Fiction, Comedy, Satire, Britain, Toys
ISBN: 9780575085473
Publisher: Gollancz
Published: 2006-01-01T15:00:00+00:00

14

“Hollywood?” said Eddie Bear. “What does Hollywood mean?”

“Place name, I suppose,” said Jack, a-dusting at his trenchcoat. “This coat is going to need some serious cleaning.”

“Forget the coat!” And Eddie raised his paws. “We are in another world, Jack. This isn’t just the other side of the hill.”

“Seems so.” Jack stretched his shoulders and Jack also yawned, tiredness catching up with him. “But it looks pretty much like the world we just came from – there’s nothing scary here.”

Eddie Bear shuddered and shook his head. “There is something scary, I know it.”

“You don’t know it, Eddie. You’re just disorientated.” Jack sniffed at the air and Jack took off his trenchcoat. “It’s warmer here at least, which is nice.”

Eddie now also sniffed the air and with these sniffs he stiffened. “No, Jack,” he said. “Not nice, not nice at all.”

“You’ve picked up the scent again?”

“Not the scent, Jack. Not the scent.”

“Then what?”

Eddie gave the air another sniffing. “Meatheads, Jack,” he said, and there was fear in his growly voice.

“Men?” said Jack. “Nearby? Where?”

“Everywhere,” said Eddie Bear. “We’re in the world of the meatheads.”

Jack looked back at the Hollywood sign. “The world of the meatheads,” he said.

Now, for those who have an interest in such things as these, it is to be noted that …20

For those who do not have an interest in such things, it probably doesn’t matter.

“So what do you think we should do now?” Jack asked.

“Go back,” said Eddie. “Climb through The Second Big O up there and hope it leads back to our own world.”

“Perhaps I put it poorly,” said Jack. “What I meant to say was, now that we are here, to stay, until the job is done, what should we do next?”

Eddie yawned mightily. “Don’t think I haven’t noticed,” he said, “that there is a vast city down the hill, all lit up in the night. How about us finding somewhere safe and taking a bit of a sleep?”

Jack did further yawnings, too. “Good plan, Mister Bear,” said he.

As going forward was fearsome for Eddie, they tramped back to the Hollywood sign. And from there Jack looked out at the lights of the big city that lay below. And it was (and is) an impressive sight. And Jack was suitably impressed. And behind the sign they located the little hut where the bulb-man who had tended to the lights way back in the nineteen-thirties had spent his illuminating existence.

The door was padlocked, but Jack soon had the padlock picked. The two exhausted detectives crept into the little hut, pulled shut the door and settled down in the darkness upon ancient light-bulb boxes. And in less time than it takes to interpret a Forgotheum conundrum, using as your baseline the Magwich/Holliston Principle, they were both quite fast asleep.

A big smiley sun rose over the Hollywood Hills. It didn’t have a big smiley face like the one that rose over Toy City, but it got the job done and its rays slipped in through the dusty panes of the little old hut and touched upon sleeping faces.

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