Torpedo Juice by Tim Dorsey

Author:Tim Dorsey
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub, pdf
Published: 0101-01-01T00:00:00+00:00

“Are you nuts?” said Serge. “It’s just advertising. If you can’t see that, you’re already toast. In fact, I want to be manipulated. If I have to watch a commercial, at least don’t give me the same dreary heartbreak I see every day on the street. Briefly balm me with cheerful, slow-motion footage of an orange slice spraying the air with droplets of that citrus goodness, and I’m ready to face another day!…No, the real problem is lawyers. Scum-sucking, double-talking, soul-selling leeches with legs. Everything that comes out of their mouths is a feckless belch of duplicity, their entire culture communicating in a regional accent of velveteen, overly qualified, triple-couched, can’t-nail-it-to-the-wall-like-Jell-O, circumlocutious fibbery. If you and I walked around nozzling this kind of fiction on a daily basis, we’d all be friendless, divorced and fired. But our justice system rewards their morning-noon-and-night press conferences pointing nine different directions away from the bloody client: ‘It was drug smugglers, the ex-boyfriend, the “Alphabet Soup” killer, Satanists in a windowless van that was the dark shade of a light color, and I vow never to rest as I travel the globe in my personal search for the real killer!’ And I’m thinking, yeah, well, you might want to save your frequent-flyer miles because I think I caught a glimpse of the ‘real killer’ today. He was sitting next to you at the fucking defense table!…There’s only one Shakespearean solution. Kill the lawyers!”

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