The Xenophobe's Guide to the Albanians: Xenophobe's Guides by Alan Andoni

Author:Alan Andoni [Andoni, Alan]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Oval Projects
Published: 2015-04-24T23:00:00+00:00

Behaviour

Problem solving

Albanians have no time for the tortuous processes of thinking through problems and solutions that some cultures indulge in. In fact the first hurdle for an Albanian is to admit to himself that there is a problem, especially as this may suggest that the problem was caused by some mistake or miscalculation on his part. However, this can easily be overcome if the blame can be ascribed to others or to forces ‘outside his control’. The former is preferable to the latter.

The second hurdle is admitting to others, especially outsiders, that there is a problem at all. Albanians will go to enormous lengths to avoid revealing that there is anything wrong. In fact, focusing on ways of hiding the problem or creating excuses may be more important than addressing the problem – the ‘who’ being more important than the ‘what’.

In the workplace this covering up can result in the problem being compounded and multiplying, but that is a long-term consequence and what is more important is that covering up deflects the shorter-term blame. Besides, if the problem is not highlighted, it might go away as, God willing, it occasionally does.

You may only be aware that there is a problem when a person actually says ‘No problem’. This is when you really need to worry as it means ‘There is a problem but I don’t want you to know about it, because you might kick up a fuss and make me feel bad.’ If it is finally admitted that there is a problem, it is safer to think up as many reasons as possible why it shouldn’t be tackled. In the end this is much more satisfying than finding that one elusive reason why someone should go to the effort of trying to solve it.

“When a person actually says ‘No problem’, this is when you really need to worry.”

Multi-tasking

Few other nations have cultivated multi-tasking to as fine an art as have the Albanians. If Albanian car drivers have a talent for anything (apart from avoiding serious accidents when behind the wheel), it is the ability to drink coffee, smoke a cigarette, speak on the mobile, chat to the person next to them with waving arms, gesticulate angrily at other drivers, press the horn, compose a text message and still have enough arms to drive.

It is not an uncommon sight for a man, his wife and his two children to ride together on a moped. While the man is controlling it, he may be holding an umbrella to protect his family from the rain, and the rest of the family are individually engaged in talking on the phone, checking Facebook, holding animated conversations with lots of arm-waving, and saving each other from falling off.

Even certain TV news stations multi-task by showing lots of items on one screen as if it is a website. The main picture is in the middle with either the news (and a one-line summary underneath) or interviews or advertisements for potions to eliminate unsightly marks on the body.

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