The Wit and Wisdom of Discworld by Stephen Briggs

Author:Stephen Briggs
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781407035505
Publisher: Transworld
Published: 2015-12-06T05:00:00+00:00

‘What’s this?’

‘A Klatchian Hots without anchovies,’ said Vimes, lifting the cover. ‘We got it from Ron’s Pizza Hovel round the corner.’

‘Has someone already eaten this, Vimes?’

‘No, sir. That’s just how they chop up the food.’

‘Oh, I see. I thought perhaps the food-tasters were getting over-enthusiastic,’ said the Patrician. ‘My word. What a treat I have to look forward to.’

‘I think he’s got a sort of soft spot for the Patrician, in his way. He once said that if anyone was going to kill Vetinari he’d like it to be him.’

*

‘I’ve been running around looking for damn Clues instead of just thinking for five minutes!’ said Vimes. ‘What is it I’m always telling you?’

‘Never trust anybody, sir?’

‘No, not that.’

‘Everyone’s guilty of something, sir?’

‘Not that, either.’

‘Just because someone’s a member of an ethnic minority doesn’t mean they’re not a nasty small-minded little jerk, sir?’

‘N—When did I say that?’

‘Last week, sir. After we’d had that visit from the Campaign for Equal Heights, sir.’

*

Angua thinks Carrot is about to propose.

‘Hello, Angua!’ said Carrot cheerfully. ‘I was just coming to see you.’

He took off his helmet, and smoothed back his hair. ‘Er …’ he began.

‘I know what you’re going to ask,’ said Angua.

‘You do?’

‘I know you’ve been thinking about it. You knew I was wondering about going.’

‘It was obvious, was it?’

‘And the answer’s no. I wish it could be yes.’

Carrot looked astonished. ‘It never occurred to me that you’d say no,’ he said. ‘I mean, why should you?’

‘Good grief, you amaze me,’ she said. ‘You really do.’

‘I thought it’d be something you’d want to do,’ said Carrot. He sighed. ‘Oh, well … it doesn’t matter, really.’

Angua felt that a leg had been kicked away. ‘It doesn’t matter?’ she said.

‘I mean, yes, it’d have been nice, but I won’t lose any sleep over it.’

‘You won’t?’

‘Well, no. Obviously not. You’ve got other things you want to do. That’s fine. I just thought you might enjoy it. I’ll do it by myself.’

‘What? How can …?’ Angua stopped. ‘What are you talking about, Carrot?’

‘The Dwarf Bread Museum. I promised Mr Hopkinson’s sister that I’d tidy it up. I just thought it might cheer you up, but I appreciate that bread isn’t everyone’s cup of tea.’

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