The Wisdom Chronicles by Teri Harris Saa

Author:Teri Harris Saa
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Red Wheel/Weiser

8

Like Mother(and Father), Like Child

DAVID UNDERSTOOD MY NEED TO DIGEST ALL HE HAD SHOWN ME AND SAT quietly while I gathered my thoughts. My mind drifted to all of the observations I had made about people over the past week, their habitual thought patterns and core beliefs, and I tried to look at my discoveries in light of the mind-journey I'd just experienced.

“I noticed so many things about people this week,” I said after a while. “One interesting thing I discovered is that although their habitual thought patterns vary, most of them seem to share a similar core belief.

“For instance, I discovered that a friend of mine, Diane, carries a belief that people will reject her and this has kept her isolated and lonely all of her life. I also discovered that she fears change and it keeps her from accepting new, positive situations. I observed a co-worker whose core belief seems to be that he doesn't deserve happiness or success, and so these things elude him. Another co-worker, Joyce, is a perpetual victim. Her life is in a constant state of turmoil. Not a day goes by that she doesn't have at least some small crisis, and it's always someone else's fault.

“For example, the other day she was stopped for speeding on her way to work. She spent the entire day telling everyone how she had been wronged once again. The speeding ticket was her daughter's fault, she said. Joyce's reasoning was that because her daughter had stayed in the bathroom too long, Joyce was late leaving for work and had no choice but to speed. The entire office heard in great detail how she had to suffer because of her daughter's inconsiderate behavior.”

“From your observations,” David interjected, “were you able to come to any conclusions about her belief system?”

“Well, at first it was hard for me to see what was going on because the victim behavior really annoys me; it's difficult to understand why anyone would choose to live their life as a victim. But when I got past my own feelings, I noticed that her behavior was an attention-getting device.”

“Ah, yes,” said David, “sometimes the victim believes that she who has the greatest tragedy or drama gets the most attention. What do you think caused her to believe that she needs to get attention this way?”

I mentally reviewed what I knew about Joyce and wondered out loud, “What would make a person want to get attention through negative means?” The concept was forming; I could almost grasp it— “ ‘I’m not visible without drama.’ Or, ‘I have to make someone else look bad before I can look good.”’ No, that wasn't quite right. “Maybe it's, ‘I'm not good enough as I am’?”

“You're onto it,” David said. “You're discovering the universal belief of humankind: I am not worthy as I am. Isn't this, when it comes down to it, the actual core belief of every person you've mentioned? ‘I'm not worthy as I am’ is the basic negative

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