The Ultimate Hitchhiker's Guide by The Ultimate Hitchhiker's Guide

Author:The Ultimate Hitchhiker's Guide [Guide, The Ultimate Hitchhiker's]
Format: epub
Tags: Science fiction, Adventure, General, Fiction, Humorous Stories, English, Fiction - General, Humorous, Douglas - Prose & Criticism, Adams, Prefect, Dent, Ford (Fictitious character), Ford (Fictitious char, Arthur (Fictitious chara, Arthur (Fictitious character)
ISBN: 9780517226957
Publisher: Gramercy Books
Published: 2010-01-21T15:38:25+00:00

Chapter 1

That evening it was dark early, which was normal for the time of year. It was cold and windy, which was normal. It started to rain, which was particularly normal. A spacecraft landed, which was not. There was nobody around to see it except some spectacularly stupid quadrupeds who hadn't the faintest idea what to make of it, or whether they were meant to make anything of it, or eat it, or what. So they did what they did to everything which was to run away from it and try to hide under each other, which never worked. It slipped down out of the clouds, seemingly balanced on a single beam of light. From a distance you would scarcely have noticed it through the lightning and the storm clouds, but seen from close to it was strangely beautiful-a grey craft of elegantly sculpted form: quite small. Of course, one never has the slightest notion what size or shape different species are going to turn out to be, but if you were to take the findings of the latest Mid-Galactic Census report as any kind of accurate Guide to statistical averages you would probably guess that the craft would hold about six people, and you would be right. You'd probably guessed that anyway. The Census report, like most such surveys, had cost an awful lot of money and didn't tell anybody anything they didn't already know-except that every single person in the Galaxy had 2.4 legs and owned a hyena. Since this was clearly not true the whole thing had eventually to be scrapped. The craft slid quietly down through the rain, its dim operating lights wrapping it in tasteful rainbows. It hummed very quietly, a hum which became gradually louder and deeper as it approached the ground, and which at an altitude of six inches became a heavy throb. At last it dropped and was quiet. A hatchway opened. A short flight of steps unfolded itself. A light appeared in the opening, a bright light streaming out into the wet night, and shadows moved within. A tall figure appeared in the light, looked around, flinched, and hurried down the steps, carrying a large shopping bag under its arm. It turned and gave a single abrupt wave back at the ship. Already the rain was streaming through its hair. "Thank you," he called out, "thank you very..." He was interrupted by a sharp crack of thunder. He glanced up apprehensively, and in response to a sudden thought quickly started to rummage through the large plastic shopping bag, which he now discovered had a hole in the bottom. It had large characters printed on the side which read (to anyone who could decipher the Centaurian alphabet) DUTY FREE MEGA-MARKET, PORT BRASTA, ALPHA CENTAURI. BE LIKE THE TWENTY-SECOND ELEPHANT WITH HEATED VALUE IN SPACE-BARK! "Hold on!" the figure called, waving at the ship. The steps, which had started to fold themselves back through the hatchway, stopped, re-unfolded, and allowed him back in.

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