The Twitter Diaries by Georgie Thompson

Author:Georgie Thompson
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Bloomsbury Publishing
Published: 2012-10-15T00:00:00+00:00

August

Tuesday Fields

@TuesdayFields London

Happy Birthday to me, Happy Birthday to me, Happy Birthday to Tuesday Fields intrepid news hound, Happy Birthday to me!

Monthly Must:

Wave goodbye once and for all to bad men and welcome decent ones with open arms.

Monthly Must Not:

Cry about being a year older but not wiser.

Followers:

Suddenly a lot less than @JakeJacksonLive’s.

Stella Cavill

@StellaCavill New York, New York

‘It is better to die on your feet than to live on your knees.’

Monthly Must:

Get out of personal and professional rut.

Monthly Must Not:

Rot.

Followers:

Not dead yet.

* * *

@StellaCavill

Happy 21st!

@TuesdayFields

Ha bloody ha. Seeing as it is my birthday and @Mum is throwing me a family-only party I think I’m well within my rights to cry if I want to.

@StellaCavill

Be my guest.

@TuesdayFields

Wish you were mine. Tonight’s going to be a tiny little bit of hell spent amongst goody two shoes sisters and brash brother-in-laws.

@StellaCavill

Where’s @Mum booked for the big occasion?!

@TuesdayFields

Where do you think?

@StellaCavill

Quags it is then!

@TuesdayFields

Again.

@StellaCavill

Again.

@TuesdayFields

@Mum has done me a small favour ahead of the festivities.

>> Given me the heads up that Dad has been spending more time than normal with the ‘net’…

@StellaCavill

I’m presuming that doesn’t mean he’s on Twitter?

@TuesdayFields

Correct.

>> My moth-obsessed father has been single handedly decimating the butterfly population of Hampshire in order to give me a truly unique gift.

@StellaCavill

Oh God.

@TuesdayFields

So it looks like I’ll have to accept whatever is coming my way, which I can only assume is a framed picture of several of his finest catches.

@StellaCavill

When did you get so lucky?

@TuesdayFields

Do you know I think it was round about the same time I met you.

@StellaCavill

Any idea what you’ll get from @Mum?

@TuesdayFields

Probably something from @NigellaLawson’s new range…

>> Although I’m not sure the domestic goddess is @Mum’s favourite anymore, suspect jealousy is to blame …

RT @Mum: ‘Nigella is drooling again darling, all over the rocky road squares she has just made.

>> Your father’s eyes are on stalks. They’re all the same darling, these men, all the same.’

@StellaCavill

A woman scorned. Forget her putting money in @NigellaLawson’s pocket.

@TuesdayFields

I’m predicting then a couple of @JamieOliver mixing bowls, the odd saucepan, maybe even a whisk if I’m really lucky to stir things up with …

@StellaCavill

Like you need one of those to stir things up! Why the fixation with kitchenware for presents anyway?

@TuesdayFields

Think @Mum thinks as long as I’m in my Kensal Rise 10 x 5 kitchen cooking, I’m not out searching for Mr. Wrong.

@StellaCavill

Might explain why you’re such a poor chef?!

@TuesdayFields

Truth is with my hours I can’t go out and do any searching at all.

>> @Mum will probably be suggesting I hand in my notice next in order to secure my long term future (bag Mr. Ordinary).

@StellaCavill

You know how proud she is deep down. You’ll be all she talks about at the golf club.

@TuesdayFields

I’m really not so sure.

@StellaCavill

Well at least @Mum’s not suggesting you’re ready for tweaking like @Supermodel1971 did on my last birthday.

>> And the one before that, and the one before that too.

@TuesdayFields

So technically speaking, according to @Supermodel1971, you are significantly overdue for a nip and tuck?

@StellaCavill

In her (twice-lifted) eyes I am considered well past my surgery sell by date.

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