The Troubles with Us: One Belfast Girl on Boys, Bombs and Finding Her Way by Alix O'Neill

Author:Alix O'Neill [O’Neill, Alix]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: HarperCollins Publishers
Published: 2021-04-01T17:00:00+00:00

13

Don’t mess with our fake tan

There are those who claim their teenage years were their best years. A time when they learnt fundamental truths about life, love, themselves. When they forged the person they would become. I think we can all agree I am not one of these people. Had my adolescence been a training ground for adulthood, I’d currently be in rehab – or on Tinder’s most unwanted list.

I’m glad I saw out these dark years in the nineties. I don’t envy today’s seventeen-year-olds. Imagine your every move, the drunken indiscretions, the navel gazing, the essential horror of your very existence, all caught on camera and immortalised on social media for the perverse enjoyment of others. I thank the sweet lord every day smartphones weren’t around when the girls and I gave an inebriated yet earnest performance of ‘Daddy Draws Me Naked’, an original score, inspired by one of my father’s art college sketches.

We were having a carryout in my front room when my parents were away one weekend. Niamh spotted the framed drawing on the wall.

‘Lix, is that you?’

‘Dude. My dad drew that. She was a model in one of his life drawing classes.’

‘Huh. It looks like you.’

‘Gross. She’s naked!’

Mel put her Smirnoff Ice on the coffee table and walked over to the hi-fi beside the piano. Turning down the volume on the Vengaboys, she stretched her fingers flamboyantly and sat down at the keyboard. She tested several chords, inviting a respectful hush from the room, and cleared her throat.

Daddy draws me naked, oh yes he does.

You might think creepy, but it’s arrrrrrrrrrrt.

The five of us composed a chorus and two whole verses about the inner conflict between adhering to societal norms and living one’s creative truth. We thought it was a masterpiece.

There is, however, one perk of modern adolescence I wish I’d had the benefit of. It’s not easy asking someone out via any medium, but at least Generation Z have the luxury of the written word to hide behind. They can spend time constructing the perfectly breezy message. I remain convinced that had I been able to communicate my feelings for Ryan via WhatsApp, I’d have appeared sexy and mysterious instead of unhinged. Yes, we could text on our trusty Nokia 3310s, but this was reserved solely for the practicalities of meeting up. Weightier concerns – like asking someone to your school formal – demanded picking up the phone and having an actual conversation.

I had decided to ask Laurie to be my date to the biggest night in the St Dominic’s sixth-form calendar, as Ryan was getting dangerously close to uncovering the identity of his anonymous caller. (He asked Nat at the Crescent one night if she was Rebecca. ‘But Nat has a southern accent – you don’t. He’s not the sharpest, is he?’ said Mummy when I told her we needed to circle the wagons. Asking Laurie to the formal would throw Ryan off the scent. To be fair to Ryan, no one watched as many detective shows as my mother did.

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.