The This by Adam Roberts

Author:Adam Roberts
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub
ISBN: 9781473230927
Publisher: Orion
Published: 2022-02-03T00:00:00+00:00

5

Elegy for Pheno-Women and Pheno-Men

:1:

There was something wrong with Adan’s Phene. He took it to the iPhene emporium.

‘What seems to be the problem, shir?’

‘Her face,’ said Adan. ‘Her face swaps out. Could it be, like, a virus?’

‘Swaps out?’

‘Glitches. You know? I mean, in ways not programmed.’

The two were seated, elbows nonchalant on a neon desk as vast and curving as the prow of a golden age ocean liner, softly glowing and ever-so-faintly pliant to the touch. The emporium’s ceiling seemed an unnecessarily long way up. Elsewhere about the place, little trios – customer and server and Phene – huddled together over one or other problem.

Adan’s Phene, Gee, stood patiently next to its owner.

‘Could,’ said the server, ‘you give me a for-example?’

‘When we’re having sex, for example,’ said Adan. ‘For the last six months I’ve been setting her default face to Labelle Cho Aboya’s. But last night we were having sex, and she changed her face to my mother’s. Obviously I didn’t program that. It just glitched into the new face while we were … and the … Well, you can imagine.’

A pause.

‘I see,’ said the server. ‘Have you been sharing your Pheno with strangers? Anyone you don’t know?’

‘Sexually, you mean? No, no,’ Adan replied. ‘But what do you mean, share?’

‘You’ll excuse me having to ask, sir,’ said the iPhene server. The log identified her as Jorjina. ‘Some people like to set two Pheno-women or two Pheno-men, or one of each, such that they have sex together.’

‘And then do what? Join in?’

‘Or just watch,’ said the server. ‘More usually watch. Pheno models are exceptionally good at having sex, and there’s a pleasure in watching two of them go at it. I mean, so I’ve heard. I mean … ah … it’s not my thing. But that’s what I’ve heard.’ Jorjina showed Adan her thirty-two teeth. ‘My point is, viruses can be spread by this practice. We recommend only humans to have sex with a Phene. They can’t catch anything from us.’

‘They can’t catch anything from us,’ Adan repeated. ‘That’s what I thought.’

‘Please ask your Pheno to sit down in the diagnostic chair,’ said Jorjina. ‘Does it have an assigned gender?’

‘She’s called Elegy,’ said Adan.

‘Alrighty-tighty,’ said Jorjina with fierce good cheer. She checked no screen, consulted no readout, but the data was fed to her densely and rapidly. Nor did her smile waver. ‘I’m not finding anything, Mr Adan.’

‘There must be something,’ insisted Adan. ‘I mean, like … come on. I’m not imagining the glitches. One time I was having sex with my Phene and her face swapped out to Joseph Stalin. She extruded the moustache and everything.’

‘Odd,’ simpered Jorjina. ‘I can give your Phene a basic software-rinse as a product courtesy. If you want a more thoroughgoing diagnostic I’m afraid we’ll have to charge. Records show your device is no longer under guarantee.’

‘OK, but hold on,’ said Adan. ‘I need to call my mom. Gee?’ The Phene leant forward. ‘Call Mom.’

The Phene’s proportionate young-woman face blanked and returned as the face of an elderly woman.

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