The Tanners by Robert Walser

Author:Robert Walser
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub, azw3
Tags: Classics, (¯`'•.¸//(*_*)\\¸.•'´¯)
ISBN: 9780811215893
Publisher: New Directions
Published: 1907-01-01T00:00:00+00:00

–10–

One evening Hedwig said: “I almost have the impression there’s something like a thin but opaque wall cutting me off from life. I can’t even manage to feel sad about it, just pensive. Perhaps other girls feel something similar, I don’t know. Perhaps I missed out on my life’s true profession when I set out to find a career for life. Studying to learn a profession is something we girls do halfheartedly anyhow, for us it isn’t the main thing. How strange it now seems to me that I became a teacher. Why not a dressmaker, or something completely different? I can no longer even imagine the feelings that drove me to take up such a profession. What sense of wonder and promise held me in its thrall? Did I think I would become a benefactress, did I feel I had no choice but to see this as my duty, my calling? You believe all kinds of things when you lack experience, and later you experience things that make you see the world quite differently. How very strange. Taking life as seriously as I did involves a certain severity in the way one treats oneself. I must tell you, Simon: I took life too seriously, too sacredly; I didn’t stop to consider that I was a girl when I undertook a task fit only for men. No one told me I was a girl. No one flattered me with such an observation. No one thought of me so thoughtfully as would have been necessary to observe so simple a thing, which I’d have heeded even if my first response was indignation. If these words had come from a heart, I’d have heeded them. But all the words I heard were superficial, offhanded: ‘Do this, do that. It’s good you want to take up a profession. It does you honor.’ And so on. What an honor it is to be a miserable girl filled with emptiness and longings, as practicing this honorable profession has made me. A profession is a burden to be borne through life by a man with strong shoulders and a powerful will: A girl like me is crushed by it. Does my profession bring me joy? None at all. Please don’t be too shocked by this confession; I’m only making it because you’re the sort of person one almost longs to confess to. You understand me, I know you do. Others would perhaps understand me just as well, but only out of a sense of obligation. You understand willingly, as you have no reason to feel shocked by simple, honest confessions. On the inside, you’re living my entire life along with me, your sister. In fact you’re far too good to be only my brother. What a pity you can’t be more to me: This too you’d do willingly; for I see you nodding your head. Let me continue. When a person has you as a listener, it’s a pleasure to speak. And so hear this: I’ve

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