The Second Coming of The Bible From Hell by The Angels

Author:The Angels
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Miracle Publications
Published: 2017-11-09T07:25:45+00:00

Chapter Twelve : Frogs, Superstition and Prayer

A Miss Porn Starr has written us a very long letter, describing more or less her whole life story. Apparently she had a very privileged upbringing, and a good education, but decided on a career of which her parents disapproved. ‘Although the devil may have a lot of scary names’, she writes, ‘and although sin is well known for being bad, the exact purpose of sin is not clear, is it? Aren’t we all told that being sinful is an inescapable condition of being human – maybe even the purpose of being human, yea, even as the sparks fly upward?’

‘Isn’t that the truth’, a Miss Wobblythorts has responded. ‘Have you ever seen sparks fly downwards? No-one can be held responsible for their sins because no-one can be held responsible for being a human because no-one asked to be a human in the first place and, given the choice, might well have chosen to be a butterfly. But if someone chose to be a butterfly, someone else, who chose to be a bird, might eat them. Then someone who chose to be a cat would eat the bird. Bit of a bummer that. Serves them all right for trying to be clever. Why didn’t they all choose to be cats? Or frogs?’

The next email picks up on Miss Wobblythorts’ line of thinking. It’s from Hashtag SpinningHead, who asks, ‘Frogs? Wasn’t there once a plague of them? Perhaps that’s what happened – lots of people chose to be a frog! Choosing to be a cat would have been a better option though, cos not many things eat cats. So why didn’t they all choose to be cats? Because they hadn’t thought it out, that’s why. But what I want to know is, did cats eat birds in Paradise? Did birds eat butterflies? Did frogs? Why couldn’t the frogs eat something nobody likes, like slugs? And what’s more scary – a bird eating a butterfly, or a frog eating a slug? It’s all a bloody sight more scary than the devil calling himself Satan. And what’s the point of being beautiful if a bird can eat you? And what would be the point of being a slug if the frogs had Angel Cake to eat?’

The duty Archangel was summoned to cast a fresh eye on these matters, as we found it difficult to know how to respond. However, after a few minutes, she complained that her head was beginning to spin, and she had to excuse herself.

So we will have to attempt an answer ourselves. Hashtag SpinningHead – please forget frogs and butterflies and cats. Just stay human. How simple is that? You know what they say – Better the devil you know. However, whenever you say anything like this, remember to cross yourself, or touch wood – although do remember that The Great Fairy frowns on superstition, even though He did invent it. But whilst superstition definitely is the slippery slope to idolatry, a little bit of superstition now and then is relatively harmless.

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