The Queen of Distraction: How Women With ADHD Can Conquer Chaos, Find Focus, and Get More Done by Terry Matlen

Author:Terry Matlen
Language: eng
Format: mobi
Tags: Psychopathology, Health & Fitness, Psychology, Self-Help, General, Family & Relationships, Women's Health, Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD-ADHD), Attention-Deficit Disorder (ADD-ADHD)
ISBN: 9781626250918
Publisher: New Harbinger Publications
Published: 2014-09-30T21:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER 7

Stop…in the

Name of Love

After a pleasant dinner party with friends one night, Alex

popped into her kitchen to refresh the coffee. Her heart skipped

a beat when she overheard her boyfriend, Rob, say to his buddy

Mark with a chuckle, “Man, I don’t know what to do. The truth

is that I can’t live with her, and I can’t live without her. Most of

the time, she drives me crazy, but, hell, she puts up with me.”

She threw down the kitchen towel and ran into the bathroom,

choking back tears.

It’s one thing for a woman to deal with the consequences of her

ADHD, but it adds a whole new dimension when they directly impact

her relationships. Many relationship experts have identified their own

version of the stages couples go through. Drawing from that research

and my own experience, I have identified four main stages of romantic

relationships and what they ask of the woman with ADHD. Please note

THE QUEEN OF DISTRACTION

that all couples do not proceed though all four stages, as a couple may

split up at any point along the way:

• Stage 1: Getting to Know You

• Stage 2: Getting Serious

• Stage 3: The Honeymoon Is Over

• Stage 4: Mature Love

This list assumes that you meet someone in your twenties and that

each stage lasts at least five years. Of course, any time you meet someone

new, you start over. We’ll begin with the first stage, which ranges from

meeting someone new to the early stages of connecting.

Stage 1: Getting to Know You

You may be new to the dating scene— divorced, widowed, old, young,

straight, or gay. Regardless of your stage or orientation in life, if you are searching for a romantic partner and you have ADHD, you may experience a whole gamut of challenges above and beyond the typical ones.

The issues for the hyperactive subtype are often different than for the

inattentive subtype. Impulsivity ranks at the top of the list for the hyperactive subtype, as we’ll see below.

Serial Lovers (Kix for Adults)

If you are hyperactive and impulsive, you crave stimuli and abhor

boredom. Many hyperactive women stay single and become “serial

lovers” because they fear the boredom of being stuck with one partner

“till death do us part.” Perhaps you’ve had your share of short sexual

flings that have left you feeling empty and raw. The excitement of the

roller- coaster ride always ends. Then you pick yourself up off the floor,

humiliated and hurt that once again you let your impulsivity take over.

If you’re the inattentive subtype, however, you have other issues to deal

with.

110

sTOP…IN THE NAME OF LOvE

Attraction, Distraction, and Inquisition

If you’re the inattentive subtype, when you’re first dating, your dis-

tractibility may be in high gear. How do you connect with someone with

that blaring music from the bar and the whirring fan overhead? What if

you keep interrupting, worried you’ll forget the point you wanted to get

across, not to mention that nagging self- critic in your head who keeps

harping on past failures?

The inattentive subtype is often highly self- conscious and overly

internal— in short, you’re your own personal inquisitor. You might worry

incessantly over how you are presenting yourself to your

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