The President's Desk by Shaun Micallef

Author:Shaun Micallef
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: ebook
Publisher: Hardie Grant Books
Published: 2014-09-01T00:00:00+00:00

The Dictator considered the effect of minus-zero temperatures on the public’s perception of his manhood. ‘Have Hugo Boss design me some invisible winter clothing,’ he whispered to Bormann.

Some rather loud and obvious throat-clearing drew both men’s attention to the doorway. Standing next to Blondi was Hitler’s architect, the man responsible for the awe-inspiring Cathedral of Light at the Zeppelinfeld and the magnificent Marble Gallery at the new Reich Chancellery – Albert Speer.

‘I want you to build me a 700-foot card table made of glass,’ announced Hitler, ‘with a matching chair.’

‘Me?’ spluttered Blondi.

‘No, no,’ said Hitler, waving away his dog dismissively. ‘I’m talking to Speer.’

Blondi looked relieved. It was bad enough that she had to learn how to walk, talk and serve food; to expect her to blow glass and design giant furniture was going too far. How many brain operations by Doctor Mengele was a dog expected to submit to in Germany these days? There had been twelve in 1941 alone! During the Kaiser’s entire rule there had been a total of none. It was madness. Blondi made a mental note to write a strongly worded letter to Der Zeitspiegel condemning Hitler and his cruelty to animals. Of course, she’d use a pseudonym – no point jeopardising her place at the table of the inner sanctum, even if it was underneath it eating scraps.

Speer and Hitler talked well into the night about giant glass tables and nudity. Having no experience in either architecture or anatomy, and even less at being an insane despot, Bormann felt on the outer and instead took Blondi for a walk. The dog suggested that they visit the shed where Hitler kept his speedboats; perhaps they could have a high-speed race around the pond? Bormann liked the idea; any opportunity to show off his superiority over lesser members of the animal kingdom. He accepted the challenge with a brisk Teutonic slap of the glove on Blondi’s cheek and then, with the utmost stealth and a small stepladder, the two snuck through the window of the Führer’s secret schnellboothalle.

But it was a trap! Mengele and his goons were lying in wait. The smell of chloroform! Leather belts tightening over limbs! The clang of medical instruments!

Then the gentle fog of unconsciousness …

*

Bormann and Blondi awoke, each with the other’s brain implanted in their head. In the eternal speedboat chase between man and beast there were no victors that day – but both would prevail in their own way. Bormann got on with his life as Hitler’s favourite pet and Blondi saw out the rest of the war as the Führer’s private secretary.

The spectacular 700-foot stained-glass Reichdesk was built in the middle of Treptower Park three months later and was the talk of the town until the Fall of Berlin. The Red Army liberated the German capital in ’45 and, once they’d put their trousers back on, they set about their good work destroying buildings and tearing down monuments, including what many regarded as Speer’s triumph.

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.