The Pickled Apocalypse of Pancake Island by Cameron Pierce
Author:Cameron Pierce [Pierce, Cameron]
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
Publisher: Eraserhead Press
Published: 0100-12-31T22:00:00+00:00
*
I got paranoid. I feared this pancake was in cohorts with her doors to take advantage of me, to use me in some nefarious fashion, something far worse than what had already been done. My little pickle shrank back to nothing.
I stood up. I pushed my way out of the circle of doors and clenched my fists. I punched at the air. I was sweaty and paranoid, sticky and regretful. I wanted no one around. I could not contain myself much longer.
"Are you happy, Mr. Door Inspector?" the pancake said. "Would you like to inspect me again?"
"No," I shouted, then rescinded. "Okay, but only if we do it my way."
"We can do it any way you like," she said.
I pushed my way back into the circle of doors. I moved to the center and lay down on top of her.
The pancake squirmed beneath me.
My little pickle remained flaccid.
"I'm so glad," she said. "Are you glad?"
I opened my mouth to speak. I looked at the doors around me. I could not answer her question. I could no longer tolerate this insulting audience.
"Are you glad?" she repeated.
I responded with a head butt that broke her face apart. Her syrupy brains oozed out, and that was that. The pancake was dead.
She turned green and stiff beneath me.
My little pickle lengthened, throbbing and alert.
"Are you glad?" I asked the corpse.
I forced myself inside her and gave her a final go.
With a dead partner, I almost enjoyed the act.
I stood again, ready to fight the doors if they tried to attack. They stroked themselves, staring blankly. I staggered toward the open front door. A writhing pack of other doors groped and sucked its knob.
I fled.
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Dark Humor | Humorous |
Satire |
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