The New Covenant as a Paradigm for Optimal Relations by Polischuk Pablo;Pendleton Ray; & Ray Pendleton

Author:Polischuk, Pablo;Pendleton, Ray; & Ray Pendleton [Polischuk, Pablo & Pendleton, Ray]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781498226134
Publisher: Wipf and Stock Publishers
Published: 2016-10-07T07:00:00+00:00

142. Lederer and Jackson, The Mirages of Marriage; Tweedie, “Contract Therapy.”

143. Gottman, Marital Interaction.

Chapter 10

Adopting an Unconditional Stance to Optimize Renewed Conditions

From the outset, the New Covenant is introduced with God’s unilateral initiative, marked by a series of pronouncements indicating God’s proactive and unconditional thrust (“I will . . . ”). As the covenant unfolds, these premises provide an optimal ground for bilateral conditions to be established. This chapter appeals to partners in covenantal relations to envision the possibility of engaging in unconditional transactions patterned after God’s ways. Many opportunities in intimate transactions call for such endeavors.

An initial question may be posed: is it possible for humans to engage in unconditional deals without being prompted by any ulterior motives? Social conventions are framed in conditional terms. Human existence begins with a newborn coming into this world as a needy, fragile creature. The common expectation is that those who procreate will take care of the newborn with some level of unconditional love, expressed through nurturing care and protective endeavors. In terms of reciprocity and mutuality, the newborn is the recipient of services and goods without offering much in return. As the person matures, more accountability and responsibility are demanded of the individual, and these are framed in conditional terms in the context of marriage, family, community, and society at large.

Factors Influencing Relational Matters

A general assessment of family systems across cultures demonstrates that acceptance, validation, protection, safety, and rewards, etc., are all predicated on some tacit or explicit expectations. The norms of a family system develop as social, cultural, and spiritual regulations that establish, maintain, support, and provide guidelines applicable to the structures and the functions of the system. These implicit or explicit norms may be regarded as contingencies that foster and empower the life of the system, framing the boundaries in which differentiation and mutuality are established in a stable, satisfactory climate.

A marital system is predicated upon the readiness of both partners to engage in a covenantal transaction. Each prospective partner “leaves father and mother” via differentiation, becoming individuated, empowered, and mature, and “cleaves to his partner” in mutuality—a fusion of persons into a relational system without the loss of their integrity. Hopefully, the dyadic relationship will be regulated by a set of conditions and enacted within agreed-upon parameters. Due to the fact that human nature has experienced a disturbance in the original design due to sin, the propensity to engage in advantageous, self-centered, or manipulative ways remains a distinct possibility.

In simple terms, a bilateral-conditional arrangement seems to prevail in most systemic human transactions. Unconditional initiatives emerge as necessary endeavors in covenantal transactions when dysfunctional patterns affect the stability and/or satisfaction of the marital dyad. These measures represent a remedial mindset seeking to renew or restore a desirable relationship—not to be imposed upon unwilling partners or to be employed in an indiscriminative or wholesale fashion—in efforts dedicated to resolve conflicts or to move beyond an impasse. Often, a partner’s unilateral initiative may prove to be impractical or dysfunctional, due

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