The Mechanical Messiah and Other Marvels of the Modern Age by Robert Rankin

Author:Robert Rankin
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
ISBN: 9789085241522
Publisher: For the Benefit of Mr. Kite
Published: 2010-12-31T16:00:00+00:00

Thirty-One

But into space went the Marie Lloyd, leaving the Earth behind.

Darwin clung to the colonel’s leg. The colonel peeped out through a porthole.

“Always a stirring sight,” said he. “Forgotten how much I love this kind of business.”

Corporal Larkspur was out of his seat now. “What hast thou done?” he asked.

“Done?” said the colonel. “Done? Helped a fellow in distress. A lady too, doncha know.”

The fellow in distress lay upon the floor in a somewhat sweaty heap. The lady had been safety-belted into the colonel’s seat.

Darwin the monkey said, “I should be flying this ship.”

“Thy nephew canst not fly the ship,” Corporal larkspur ‘told the colonel. “It is automatically set, it needeth no pilot whatever.”

Darwin considered biting the corporal; his ‘uncle’ sensing that this might just be the case, advised against it. “Bit early in the hunt for that kind of stuff,” he said. “Best all pull together as a team.”

The Jovian hunting party snored in their seats. They had downed soporifics and nodded off just prior’ to take-off. They would be out for hours. Not so, however, a certain private detective.

Cameron Bell made a groaning ascent into the vertical plane. He was now severely space-sick. He needed the toilet.

“That way,” directed the colonel. “And if you are going to chuck-up, follow the instructions carefully. Gravity be shutting off in a moment. Could get rather nasty in there.”

Cameron Bell made off in haste towards the bathroom.

There was not much in Mr Bell’s stomach, but what little there was he hurled into the Thomas Crapper. Flushed and washed his hands and face, then found himself wonderfully floating. It was unlike anything he had ever experienced before, except within the world of his dreams. And he was not dreaming now.

Alice awoke with a sudden start and glanced around fearfully. She gazed towards a porthole and saw what lay beyond.

“Oh not again,” said Alice. “I am once more away with the fairies.”

Colonel Katterfelto smiled down upon her. His feet were not touching the spaceship’s floor. “I want to go home at once,” said Alice. “I want my kiwi birds.”

But then the memories of what had gone before came rushing into her head. “That monster,” she cried. “That monster.”

“You are quite safe now,” said the colonel, floating over her head. “That Balls chap brought you aboard the spaceship.”

“Aboard the spaceship?” Alice stiffened. “Am I really here?”

“Really here, my dear. Like to drop you off. But not possible, I’m afraid. Automatic pilot and all that kind of gubbinry.”

Cameron Bell returned from the bathroom. Somewhat pale of face, but not without a certain chipperness. He bobbed along the ceiling, propelling himself with breaststroke motions. “What larks,” he cried, and, “Alice, are you well?”

Alice Lovell felt at her throat. “Did you save my life?” she asked.

“Well,” said Cameron, thinking of the kiwi birds, “you might say that – ”

“Thank you,” said Alice. “You are a wonderful man.”

“Only doing what any gentleman would.” Cameron Bell performed am aerial head-over-heels and said, “You really should join me up here, Alice. If you do not feel unwell.

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