The Marriage Counseling Guide: Create the ultimate healthy relationship with communication and couples therapy secrets by Robin Page

Author:Robin Page [Page, Robin]
Language: eng
Format: azw3
Published: 2020-06-16T00:00:00+00:00

7

How to feel and show love

There are so many ways to show you love someone but finding out specifically what type of love your partner prefers and adores is your goal. Most people have one or two main ways of receiving love, which they most appreciate and understand when ‘spoken’ to them. For example, if your husband or wife feels that spending quality time together is the most natural way of expressing and generating affection, they may appreciate an organized romantic evening out just the two of you. Or perhaps they love gifts being bought for them, so going out of your way to buy them something you know they want, or need could also go a very long way.

This is the same for you, you will also have one or two ways of expressing and receiving love, but this does not mean it will be the same as your partners. You might cherish physical affection, touching, kissing, hugging, etc., or having your husband or wife listen to you and being caring and understanding through the good times and the bad.

If you are thinking, how do we truly know what works for us and what doesn’t, I have written the definitions of each one to give you some more light into this theory.

How we express affection is often heavily influenced by what we learn growing up. If your family was very close throughout your childhood and you got to do lots of things together, you might value the same concept. Or, if your family did not express emotions physically or verbally, this could continue into adulthood. There are no real facts to prove this theory, but it is common knowledge that personalities and traits can sneak into our later life from our past experiences. We may do things differently in our adult relationships, in the way we express affection; we do and act in different ways that make the most sense to us and us only.

If you and your partner are doing things for each other that is entirely different to their specific ways of retrieving love without even realizing it, then that’s where there can be a lot of room for miscommunication and frustration. You can both end up feeling deflated because you feel like your partner doesn’t even know you or care about how you are feeling.

For instance, you value physical affection, but your partner is expressing love by buying you gifts because perhaps that is what they would prefer. This could potentially make you feel like your needs are not being met. Likewise, for your partner, you are giving them lots of physical affection, but that could be irritating them, and then they could portray negative energy, which then brings down the mood.

Over time this kind of miscommunication can put a wedge in a marriage. Both spouses start feeling like they are doing all they can, but it is still not good enough to make the other happy. As a result, you both can start to feel bitter and resentful.

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