The Hills Are Stuffed With Swedish Girls by Richard Happer

Author:Richard Happer [Happer, Richard]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: BookBaby

FROM FITCH’S DIARY

“Reivers,” creaks the ancient barman, picking up the phone.

And that one word is like a magic password. A stone door rolls away from in front of my eyes and light floods in on me.

There’s a pause as the caller speaks.

“Och, hello, Donald,” smiles the barman in recognition. “How are you?”

The light intensifies into heat, and I don’t know how, but I can sense that this call is in some way for me.

Another pause. “Is that so. Och, what a shame. I’ll see. Bye bye.”

He puts the phone down and calls out to us:

“Are you laddies staying at Bridge of Orchy tomorrow night?”

The warmth floods my veins like a shot of amphetamine.

“That’s the next stop, right Wentworth?” I ask.

Wentworth nods slowly.

The ancient barman continues:

“Have ye seen any Swedish lassies on yer travels?”

I sit bolt upright on my stool like a meerkat.

“Of course,” I say, nodding rapidly. “What’s the problem?”

“That was Donald from the Bridge of Orchy Hotel on the telephone,” replies the barman, “seems they’ve had a wee fire in the kitchen. Yer Swedish friends have booked some rooms in the bunkhouse which are still okay, but the ovens and the back of the bar are in an awfy state, so they won’t be able to get any food or drinks.”

Now I leap to my feet.

“But the Bridge of Orchy Hotel is the only place to eat for about ten miles in any direction!” I shout at the barman.

“Aye, laddie, that is true, but it cannae be helped. I suppose all ye can do is let the lassies know and take it from there.”

I look down at my two good friends. The memory of today – my sadness, their bickering – is cast off me now like a cloak. Jones twists on his back in front of the little fire and meows his toasted pleasure.

“Boys,” I say, “I have a plan.”

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