The Hedonist by Jonathan Dunn

Author:Jonathan Dunn [Dunn, Jonathan]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781411633513
Google: FDVz4enDctQC
Amazon: 1411633512
Barnesnoble: 1411633512
Goodreads: 4910713
Published: 0101-01-01T00:00:00+00:00

Chapter 18:

I was not roused from my studies until later that afternoon, by a bell that rang near the door. I looked up to see a car approaching down the long, winding road that ran through the forest in which the hospital, or mansion, had been built. Thinking it was Tamara, I carefully replaced the books upon the shelf and prepared the room to show no signs of my activity within in. Then, placing myself once more upon the stretcher, I resumed my comatose state. After a moment’s meditation, my mind was safely stored within my body. Soon footsteps could be heard coming up the stairway, then the door opened and a gentle footstep approached, alone: a quirky tapping in which every third step was slightly off-beat. Tamara had come.

“Edwin,” she moaned as she came near the stretcher, which now served as my bed, holding my hand and leaning over my face. She gave me a gentle kiss on the cheek.

I felt at first that I should throw off the veil to her, as I had done to Dr. Aksenov, and reveal that I was as much myself as ever, however sane that was. But I did not. First, because I still needed to know, in quantitative terms, how much she loved me, and that could be known only by the regularity of her visits. Second, because, with sudden access to such a library, I lusted after the chance to study without interruption. It was cruel and selfish, perhaps, but it was also, I thought, for the best.

“Edwin,” she said, “What have I done, cruel woman that I am? Forgive me, I beg you: forgive me. I will not leave you now, not in this state in which I have left you.”

I was pierced through the heart with her sorrow. My body, however, showed no signs of life. I would not allow it to.

“The semester has only just begun,” she continued, “And I cannot leave my studies behind to spend all my time with you: I must learn, without which you would never love me. Only when I am thrown into my studies am I comforted, so I cannot leave them and retain my sanity. Still, I will come here everyday when I study, every afternoon and every evening, I will come and read aloud to you the things which I am reading. They say there is a chance you are yet alive inside your head, that you can hear without speaking and see without letting us see that you can. A small chance, but nonetheless a chance. So I will read to you, Edwin, to keep your mind from losing itself. It is the only way I can show my love for you.”

She began to read and for the rest of the day her sweet, loving voice came into my ears the way a beautiful sight goes into the eyes or a wonderful taste into the mouth. My heart raced my pulse in a show of furious love, though only figuratively.

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