The Girl She Was by Rebecca Freeborn

Author:Rebecca Freeborn
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Pantera Press

THEN

Scott talked about taking me away for a weekend, and I became enthralled with the idea. Hiring a shack up the coast; walking hand in hand along the beach, watching the sun go down over the water, having all that time together to talk, to plan our future rather than just tearing each other’s clothes off. Maybe I’d even cook for him, show him I was capable of satisfying him in more places than just the bedroom.

But after a while, he went quiet on the topic. I was disappointed, but I couldn’t ask too much of him. He was already risking so much. For now, I was content with what we had, even if our encounters seemed to be getting shorter, more abrupt. He said Jodie was getting suspicious, so he needed to get straight home afterwards. But he wouldn’t – couldn’t – forgo our time together completely. I had too much power over him for that. It was intoxicating, seeing how I could transform him, the way his eyes darkened from the things I did with my body. Sometimes all I’d have to do is give him a certain kind of look from across the cafe and he’d be an animal when we were alone at the end of the night. Sometimes he was a little rough, but it was only because I turned him on so much. Later, I’d treasure the marks he left on me, the occasional bruises on my shoulders or grazes on my knees, as brands of his desire for me.

But I could never fully banish my paranoia: if Jodie really was getting suspicious, why was he racing home to reassure her instead of ripping off the bandaid and telling her it was over? Since we’d started sleeping together, he hadn’t told me he loved me with quite the same regularity, and I worried he was already becoming bored with me. Was I too vanilla, not adventurous enough? Maybe if I gave him more, he’d see that I was deserving of him.

But no matter what I did, he became increasingly distant. One night in the kitchen, he seemed more distracted than usual. For once, he didn’t get straight up from the swag and start pulling on his clothes, but lay beside me for a long time. He barely seemed to hear my words when I tried to make conversation. After a period of silence, I snuggled into him and rested my head on his chest, but he rolled away from me and sat up. Dismay welled inside me. ‘Have I done something wrong?’

He gave a heavy sigh and got to his feet, then sat down in the chair against the wall, head in his hands. ‘I don’t know about this, Layla. I just don’t know anymore.’

No. No. No. This couldn’t be happening.

‘What do you mean?’

He raised his head and gestured wildly. ‘What do you think I mean? I’m sleeping with a fucking teenager! The guilt is killing me.’

I was suddenly aware of how immature I must look, curled up naked on the swag.

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