The Fran Lebowitz Reader by Fran Lebowitz

Author:Fran Lebowitz [Lebowitz, Fran]
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
ISBN: 978-0-307-74493-7
Publisher: Knopf Doubleday Publishing Group
Published: 2011-07-05T16:00:00+00:00

Homes and Gardens sat back with a satisfied air and Precious Little and I congratulated him heartily. Once again Homes and Gardens’s admirable talents had triumphed, and on the way out of the restaurant we saw Barbra and Jon snubbing Kris.

Or Not CB:

That Is the Answer

It was with considerable approval that I listened one Sunday evening to my weekend host instruct his chauffeur to drive us, his guests, back to New York. The source of my approval was my firmly held conviction that public transportation should be avoided with precisely the same zeal that one accords Herpes II. And, I must say, in view of my slender means and broad acquaintance, I have on the whole, been remarkably successful in escaping both. It was, therefore, in excellent spirits that I settled myself comfortably in the back seat of the car. I smiled fondly at my companions, lit a cigarette, and entered enthusiastically into a discussion of the entertaining personal habits of those not present. Under such circumstances it is easily understandable that I did not, at first, pay much attention to what I innocently believed to be the harmless mutterings of the driver. It was not until a silence, afforded by a lull in the conversation, allowed me the opportunity of genuine eavesdropping that I became aware that someone was muttering back. I studied my fellow passengers and was much relieved to conclude that neither one had been concealing a secret knowledge of ventriloquism. That the chauffeur might possess such an intricate skill was quite out of the question. Overwhelmed by curiosity I asked him outright for an explanation. He replied that he was talking on the Citizen’s Band radio he had recently installed in my host’s automobile. The answering mutter was that of a truckdriver fifteen miles away. I asked him what he hoped to gain by this repartee. He replied that he was trading information on weather, traffic, and police radar cars.

I glanced out the window. It was a clear, starlit September evening. The traffic was bumper to bumper. If there was a police radar car in the vicinity it was probably reading the paper. I offered the chauffeur these observations. He responded by saying that he was finding out what the conditions were fifteen miles ahead of us. I replied that it was Sunday night, that we were on the Merritt Parkway bound for New York, and that ahead of us we would find the exact same conditions as those that currently prevailed except that they would become progressively more cosmopolitan. He ignored this news, preferring instead to resume his muttering. Seeing that this wasn’t the first time I’d been thrown over for a truckdriver, I sat back to listen to what I imagined would be a distinctly lackluster conversation. What transpired, however, was unintelligible in a way I had not expected, for they spoke in a code that seemed totally devoid of meaning. This, I discovered, was CB slang—a special language used by those so inclined.

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.