The Fourth Trimester Companion by Cynthia Gabriel

Author:Cynthia Gabriel
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Harvard Common Press
Published: 2018-03-15T04:00:00+00:00

Tips for Making a Positive Transition for Older Siblings

Here are some tips to help you navigate the beginning weeks and months of having more than one child.

• Focus explanations on the older child.

• Welcome regressive behavior.

• Name the older child’s feelings without blaming the baby.

• Create rituals that include your older child.

• Expect the older sibling to wake the baby—a lot!

• Plan ahead for situations in which the baby gets hurt.

• Get support for yourself.

• Enjoy your family.

Focus Explanations on the Older Child Your older child is always more interested in hearing stories about him than about the new baby. When he asks, “Why is the baby upset in the car?” tell a story about your older child as a baby, when he cried in the car (made yellow poo in diapers, peed on Daddy’s arm, spit up all the time, could only fall asleep in a swing, etc.).

Often, this focus works like magic. Even when it doesn’t, keep using it. The older child will learn empathy for the baby by seeing himself in the baby’s situation. Otherwise, if you explain from the new baby’s perspective, the older child remains focused on his current reaction, which is not necessarily empathetic.

Welcome Regressive Behavior! Regressive behavior, meaning the older child looks like she is going backward in maturity, is not only natural, it is necessary. As I explained, older children develop empathy for their baby sibling by seeing themselves in the baby’s situation. This means they might re-explore what it feels like to wet their pants, cry for Mommy/Daddy at nighttime, try breastfeeding again, use a bottle instead of a cup, suck their finger or a pacifier, etc. Children are “playing” what they see the baby doing. They are smart. They see that these behaviors get their parents’ attention, so it’s worth a try, isn’t it? Or perhaps they are sweetly recalling not long ago when these behaviors were satisfying to them and testing to confirm that they are not that interesting anymore.

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