The Flounder Flats Festival Fiasco by Bert Paul

Author:Bert Paul [Paul, Bert]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Humor
Publisher: Untreed Reads Publishing
Published: 2013-03-15T00:00:00+00:00

Chapter 8

Flounder Flats

Flounder Flats has been described as “a wide place in the road,” “halfway to no place in particular,” “neither here nor there,” and various other things, but none of those descriptions are quite accurate.

The village, comprised of only three houses, is definitely not named for the flounder found there. Flounder, that is, as in saltwater fish. There are no flounder in Flounder Flats. The stream that flows through Flounder Flats is fresh water. There are sometimes fish in the stream, but they are freshwater fish. It is possible the name comes from the Flounder family, which occupies the three houses that comprise Flounder Flats. It is also possible that “flounder” should not be capitalized, and refers instead to the unfortunate tendency of people, animals, and vehicles to flounder, or sink, in the soft ground that makes up most of the flat area of Flounder Flats.

Before the main road through Flounder Flats was paved during the make-work projects of the 1930s Depression era, many people sank out of sight trying to cross the flats. Most of these people are presumed dead, except for those with addle-brained relatives who presumed them to sink all the way through to the other side of the planet and thus found a perfect way to duck out on all their bills and family obligations.

Even with the safety of the paved road, those who venture off the road in wet weather are still likely to sink, or flounder. For most of the year, and in wet years, for all year, the vast majority of the land in Flounder Flats is unusable. So it is a terrible place to have a festival. Of course, since fake festivals weigh nothing, Flounder Flats is suitable for a fake festival.

“Just a minute,” said an observant person. “Why would the members of the Lit Up Cadillac Club…”

“Bright Lights and Cataract Club,” corrected Uncle Bert, sternly.

“…and those folks with Premonitions of Asparagus…”

“Presbyopians of America,” corrected Uncle Bert, even more sternly.

“Whatever. Why would they schedule a festival for a place that’s essentially like quicksand most of the time? Who would believe a festival would be held there? Who would want to go?” asked the observant person.

Uncle Bert was quickly growing tired of this observant person.

“Some of the people who live in High Towers are not from the T-Ville area and are probably unaware of the consistency of the land in Flounder Flats. Some of the people may have forgotten what the land in Flounder Flats is like. Or maybe they have strayed through the Amnesia Tunnel too many times, thus impairing their long-term memories as well as their short-term memories,” explained Uncle Bert.

“But,” persisted the observant person, “has the existence of the Amnesia Tunnel even been established?”

“No, but it also hasn’t been established that it doesn’t exist,” countered Uncle Bert. “And as for who would attend a festival in Flounder Flats? Well, people with bad memories, or people who want to see what is going on in Flounder Flats, or maybe just people who like to watch other people sink out of sight.

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