The Essence of Secrets : An unforgettable story about love, loss and the power of forgiveness by Teresa Holman

Author:Teresa Holman [Holman, Teresa]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: LightWalker Publishing
Published: 2024-01-25T00:00:00+00:00

Chapter 19

The Baby Book

We’d finally made it to the end of the storage unit when I pulled a baby book out of the bottom of one box. Dust went everywhere! "How long has this been in here?" I dusted the front cover, opening it to the first page. "This is Brenalyn’s baby book!” Each of my siblings looked up as I held the pink padded book for them to see. When I lifted it, an envelope fell to the ground. I walked over to one of the folding chairs and sat down to give it a quick thumb through. I pulled the pages out and unfolded each yellowed page with care. Momma had definitely written this letter and placed it inside the back cover. It caused a fresh wash of grief when I recognized her handwriting.

“My dearest baby girl. Someday...I will give you this book and pray to find the courage to tell you face to face. The shame I felt for most of my life has buried me from the moment I knew a child was coming. Please know...there was never a child more loved than you were. It has so little to do with you...I’m unsure that it even matters now. But biologically...not even that...morally it is only right that I tell you.

It was a different world in 1955. Women really were at the mercy of men, and men made most of our choices for us. It’s not that a lot of those men weren’t good, it’s just that the ones that were bad seemed to show up in my life on a regular basis.

I worked at a tiny restaurant that was close to our house. My step mother lied about my age. I was not yet fifteen. The working age was sixteen, but after the depression, everyone worked that was able. I needed to make money for the family. My stepmother said that I was sixteen, and truthfully I looked it. I had more curves than both my older sisters. I’m sure it’s hard to understand, but life was so different back then, so much harder. Curvy or not, I wasn’t much more than a child. I tell you this, so you understand why I did not have the courage to stop what happened.

The manager there was the son of the owner. His name was Bill Hogan. He was twenty-two, and he was a bully. He was at least two hundred pounds to my buck ten, and he was very handsy. All the waitresses kept an eye out, being careful to watch each other's backs. One night after closing, I took out all the trash from the kitchen and he followed me. I was bent forward, and he came up behind me and wrapped his arms around my whole body. One hand on my mouth, the other on my breast. I struggled hard. I’m pretty sure he hadn’t expected the wildcat he unleashed, which is why he slapped me with so much force. My head flipped back, and the world faded.

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