The Edge of Never & The Edge of Always by J. A. Redmerski

Author:J. A. Redmerski [J.A. Redmerski]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: HarperCollins Publishers
Published: 2013-11-14T00:00:00+00:00

Andrew

Thirty-Six

I probably shouldn’t have brought Camryn here because she’s smart and I knew she would pick up on the tiniest fluctuation in the conversation. Mom didn’t exactly make it difficult for Camryn, either. But this is an important meeting between them and I did what I had to do.

I walk through the den and down the hallway to my mom’s bedroom. She’s standing there waiting for me. She’s in tears.

“Mom, don’t do this, please.” I take her into a hug, cupping the back of her head in my hand.

She sniffles and chokes and tries to stop crying.

“Andrew, will you please just go to the appointment and—”

“Mom, no. Listen.” I carefully pull her away from my chest and I look at her, my hands secured to her shoulders. “It’s been too long. I waited too long and you know it. I admit I should’ve gone eight months ago, but I didn’t and now it’s too late.”

“You don’t know that.” Tears stream down her face.

I soften my expression, but I know she won’t listen to me no matter how convincing I sound.

“It’s gotten worse,” I say. “Look, all I want is for you to know her. She is very important to me. You’re both very important to me and I think you should know each other—”

My mom pushes her hand into my view and shakes it at me. “I can’t talk about this,” she chokes out, “I just can’t. I’ll do whatever you want me to do, and son, I already love her. I can tell she’s a wonderful girl. I can tell she’s so very different from any girl you’ve ever been involved with. And she’s important to me not only because she’s important to you, but because of everything she has given you.”

“Thank you,” I say and try not to cry myself.

My hands fall away from her shoulders.

I reach into my back pocket and pull out a folded envelope and I put it into my mother’s reluctant hand. I kiss her forehead.

She refuses to look down at it. To her, it’s a finality. To me, it says all of the things I won’t be able to say.

My mother nods and more tears pour from her eyes. She sets the envelope on her tall dresser and grabs a tissue from a box next to her bed. Dabbing the tears from her cheeks and sniffling back the rest, she tries to gain her composure again before going back into the living room with Camryn.

“Why don’t you just tell her, Andrew?” she says turning back to look at me in front of the bedroom door. “You should let her know so the two of you can do the things you’ve always wanted to do before—”

“I can’t,” I say and my own words rip a hole through my chest. “I want everything to happen how it normally would and not be forced to happen sooner because of something else.”

She doesn’t like my answer, but she understands it.

We walk back out together and she’s smiling as much as she can for Camryn’s sake when we enter the living room again.

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