The Day Will Pass Away by Ivan Chistyakov

Author:Ivan Chistyakov
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Pegasus Books

1 May 1936

So, uselessly, pointlessly, meaninglessly, life passes. Today is a holiday, but not for us. We have turmoil and muddle. Everyone confined to barracks. We can’t go anywhere or do anything. We played volleyball in the yard. Oh, these muttonheads! They can’t shoot, can’t play volleyball. Warm day.

Very soon I will be a complete dunderhead, because my mind is filled with escapes and thoughts of discharge and nothing more interesting than that.

2 May 1936

I really will have no option but to earn myself a prison sentence and get out. It won’t be that bad. I certainly won’t be the only person in the USSR with a criminal record. People just get on with it now, and will in the future. That’s how BAM has re-educated me, how it has refined my thinking. By making me a criminal. In theory I already am. I’m quietly sitting here among the ‘soldiers of the track’, preparing and resigning myself to that future. Or perhaps I will top myself. I’ve been working here for months and there will be more months, miserable and depressing just like those. And beyond that, more of the same. This job leads you to crime.

‘My soul is torn apart and my heart is racked with pain. The past seems but a dream.’****** I can hardly believe I actually lived in Moscow and was free. That I ever built a future for myself or made plans.

The second day of May is over. Although it was a holiday, I felt no freedom. I couldn’t go anywhere, we were confined to barracks. You lurch along the track with thoughts you can’t dispel. There’s nothing to distract you and nowhere to escape to. You find your hand reaching for that revolver. If death is unavoidable, let it be sudden, not a slow process of decline. Isn’t it better to force the natural course of events? The company commander probably suffers from insomnia, hanging around until 2 a.m., but why do the rest of us have to? I don’t make such an issue out of not being able to sleep.

No letters yet, I wonder if something is wrong. Although I haven’t written any either.

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.