The Darwin Awards II: unnatural selection by Wendy Northcutt

The Darwin Awards II: unnatural selection by Wendy Northcutt

Author:Wendy Northcutt [Northcutt, Wendy]
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
Tags: Non-Fiction, Humor
ISBN: 9780140124644
Publisher: Penguin
Published: 2000-12-31T06:00:00+00:00


DARWIN AWARD: HUMAN POPSICLE

2000 Darwin Award Runner-Up Confirmed by Darwin

24 JANUARY 2000, OHIO

The Los Angeles Police Department contacted Ohio police hoping to locate a missing truck driver and his load of broccoli. The stalled truck was located in Ohio four days later and towed to a local mechanic. They thawed and refueled the truck and found that, apart from an empty gas tank, the vehicle had no mechanical problems, but the driver’s personal effects and seven bricks of marijuana were discovered in the cab of the vehicle.

The trucking company and the police were both interested in the whereabouts of the errant driver, and a search was initiated. Shortly thereafter a patrolman noticed two feet protruding from between the pallets of broccoli—feet which belonged to the missing man.

Police in Wichita, Kansas, arrested a twenty-two-year-old man at an airport hotel after he tried to pass two counterfeit $16 bills.

(Honorable Mention of unknown veracity, culled from a decade of email.)

The broccoli was unloaded as quickly as possible in the cold Ohio winter, leaving the frozen body of the driver standing precisely upside down, attached to the floor of the trailer by his head. He was surrounded by

space heaters and eventually pried off the floor, but his frigid corpse, arm extended, had to be turned on its side to maneuver it into a rescue squad vehicle.

The Cuyahoga County coroner’s office determined that the man had been trying to retrieve a stash of cocaine from between the pallets of broccoli when he fell and knocked himself unconscious. He soon suffered a fatal case of hypothermia and died in the icy air. Perhaps this unfortunate soul should have confined his drug smuggling to the more clement climate of California.

Reference: Richfield Township, Ohio, Police Department Incident #00514 ANOTHER TRAGIC THEFT: Wrong Time, Wrong Place, page 197

DARWIN AWARD: SKI THEFT BACKFIRES

Confirmed by Darwin

FEBRUARY 1998, CALIFORNIA

Darrell and his friends stole a foam pad from the legs of a Mammoth Mountain ski lift, piled onto it, and slid down a ski run at 3 A.M. on their makeshift sledge. The foam pad, lacking any steering or safety features, crashed into a lift tower which was— by amazing coincidence—the same tower from which it had been stolen. Lacking the cushion of foam meant to protect errant skiers, the tower was an obstacle too hard for Darrell to overcome. There’s a moral in there somewhere . . .

Reference: Guardian, Sacramento Bee ANOTHER SELF-CORRECTING THEFT: Junk Food Junkie, page 195

When two service station attendants in Ionia, Michigan, refused to hand over the cash to an intoxicated robber, the man threatened to call the cops. The attendants still wouldn’t give him the money, so the robber called the police, waited for them to arrive—and was arrested.

(Honorable Mention of unknown veracity, culled from a decade of email.)

DARWIN AWARD: ESCAPING CONVICTION

Confirmed by Darwin

DECEMBER 1997, PENNSYLVANIA

A prisoner in the new Allegheny County Jail in Pittsburgh attempted to evade his punishment by engineering an escape from his confinement. Jerome constructed a hundred-foot rope of bedsheets, broke through a supposedly shatter-proof cell window, and began to climb to freedom down his makeshift ladder.



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