The Bluffer's Guide to Cars by Martin Gurdon

Author:Martin Gurdon
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Bluffer's Guides

DRIVEN TO DESPAIR

There was a time when people who now claim to know about cars couldn’t drive: a dim and distant prehistory when Jeremy Clarkson couldn’t tell his clutch from his…(let’s not go there).

After that came a period of knowing how to drive but not actually being allowed to and, before that finally happened, being officially taught how to drive.

For the purposes of this particular exercise, it will be assumed that you have no idea how to drive but would like to learn. Being able to drive is a fundamental prerequisite of the art of bluffing about cars, so let’s start with the basics: the stuff that makes a car stop and go.

The average car has a steering wheel, which is self-explanatory, a gear-selection lever and, where it has a manual gearbox, three floor-mounted foot pedals which, from left to right, are the clutch, brake and accelerator pedal. (An automatic does away with the clutch, but that will be addressed shortly.)

Making the car stop and go needs a certain amount of coordination between these elements, and getting everything in sync requires practice. Initially, that practice will involve finding an empty car park or country lane, sweaty palms, a screaming engine and a bunny-hopping car. But after teeth have been clenched and gears graunched, these things generally mesh in some sort of harmony and the car will start to do what you tell it.

At that point, you’ll have to learn how to use the other minor controls and the mirrors, so that other people know where you’re going and you know where you’ve been.

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