The Big Fat Joke Book by Khushwant Singh

Author:Khushwant Singh [Khushwant, Singh]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9788184759075
Publisher: Penguin Books Ltd
Published: 2012-12-31T05:00:00+00:00

A husband and wife were quarrelling. The wife got up in a temper, stuffed a few saris in her bag and was marching out of the house when the husband yelled at her, ‘Where do you think you are going?’

‘I am going to hell,’ she hissed back.

‘In that case don’t forget to say my namaskaar to your parents and relatives.’

A maternity home housed in the first floor of a multi-storeyed building had, on the ground floor, a dry-cleaner boasting of one-day service. Came a terrible dust storm which knocked down the maternity home’s signboard. It fell on the dry-cleaner’s, obliterating all of it except the bottom line. After the storm had blown over the two signboards read collectively as follows:

Mamta Maternity Home. Delivery within 24 hours.

A devout old Christian lay on his deathbed. Instead of a priest, he summoned his lawyer and his doctor and asked them to stand on either side of his bed. ‘Why do you want us beside you at this time?’ they asked. Replied the dying man: ‘I want to die like Jesus Christ on the cross with two thieves on either side.’

An income-tax officer (in-charge of administration) in Calcutta often faced the problem of late attendance of staff. With a view to finding out the reason, he added a column in the attendance register: ‘Reason for late arrival’. It did not improve matters. The staff got into the habit of inventing excuses for coming late. If the first latecomer entered against his name: ‘Delayed due to late arrival of local train or traffic jam’, other latecomers simply wrote ‘Ditto’ against their names. One day a lady stenographer arrived late by twenty minutes and wrote, ‘Went to consult lady doctor for maternity problems’. Other persons who came late that day dutifully put down ‘Ditto’, ‘Ditto’ …

A Sardarji farmer had saved up a lot of money to buy a car. But when he had the required sum, instead of buying a car he bought a buffalo. ‘Sardarji, you were always saying you wanted a car to drive to the mandi. And now you have gone and bought another buffalo. Won’t you look ridiculous riding a buffalo to the market?’

Quite unabashed, the Sardarji replied, ‘Wouldn’t I look more ridiculous trying to milk a Maruti?’

A biology teacher was dissecting a frog. Having explained the inner features of amphibians, he asked his students, ‘What would you expect to find if you dissected a human being?’

A bright lad replied, ‘Sir, I would expect to find myself behind bars.’

A visitor having tea at a restaurant complained about the quality of the tea.

‘Sahib, we have got this tea from Darjeeling,’ explained the waiter.

‘Is that why it is so cold?’ asked the customer.

A dhobi won the first prize in a lottery and bought himself a small, electrically-run laundrette. Since he had spent his entire winnings on the machine, he retained his donkey for collecting and delivering clothes. Unfortunately, due to some fault in his meter, the dhobi’s first electricity bill was so huge that he had to sell his donkey to pay it.

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.