The Achievement Habit by Roth Bernard

Author:Roth, Bernard
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: HarperCollins
Published: 2015-07-06T16:00:00+00:00

Here are my top suggestions for good interpersonal communications:

1.Speak for yourself. Say “I know,” “I think,” “I feel,” “My reaction is,” not “Everyone knows,” “We all think,” “We all feel,” “Everyone’s reaction was.” It is much better to take responsibility for what you say than to attribute it to others. You hardly know what you yourself really think, let alone what others think.

2.Don’t be judgmental. If you need to be judgmental, especially in an argument or a tense situation, speak for your own feelings and reactions (as in item 1).

3.Acknowledge other people’s issues. People want to know that you heard them. Acknowledge their problems only; don’t try to solve them unless they explicitly ask you to. They don’t want your advice or to know about your similar experiences; they just want to know that you have heard their story. It’s about them, not you!

4.Don’t ask why questions. Make declarative statements about your position. Asking people why they do things puts them on the defensive.

5.Really listen. Even if you think you know what they will be saying or you have heard it before, don’t interrupt or tune out. Don’t be in your head preparing your reply while they are talking. Be willing to lose your thought no matter how brilliant it is.

6.When you are telling a story, be clear what your point is. Be prepared to be misunderstood and misinterpreted. If it really, really matters, make sure your message got across by having it replayed to you.

7.Make sure your communication is heard as intended. Go beyond just delivering the message. Have the intention and attention to get it heard the way you mean it to be heard.

8.Make sure you understand what is being communicated to you.

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