Talking to Addison by Jenny Colgan

Author:Jenny Colgan [Jenny Colgan]
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
ISBN: 9780007393923
Publisher: HarperCollins Publishers
Published: 2013-04-13T16:00:00+00:00

As I got back from the bar, there was an enormous roar from the other end of the pub, and masses of people swarmed across the room. We followed in their wake, ending up in the crush down one end, where the stage was set up – the stage being about the size of a bath, into which had somehow been crammed a frontman, two big stacks of keyboards, a DJ with turntables and, at the back, Chali – a vision in see-through scarlet (part of me thought ‘I wonder if she knows it’s see-through?’ before mentally hitting myself on the forehead for being an idiot) – and an extremely tall black woman, also in scarlet. They looked fantastic. The two boys on the keyboard and the frontman, however, looked ridiculous. It was impossible to see the DJ, because he had a hat pulled down over his face, but the frontman was wearing a silver suit c/o Martin Fry 1984 and had hugely magnified pores. I glanced at the others, warily, but before anyone had a chance to say anything, the guy in the silver suit leaned over the front of the stage, propped one skinny shank on the speaker and yelled:

‘AAAAAGH! FLAY ME! SLAY ME! DON’T FORGET TO PAY ME! SHOVE ME! LOVE ME! WITH A PLASTIC GLOVE – EE!’

‘Cripes,’ I heard Josh say behind me.

The DJ made some retro scratching noises.

‘BITE ME! FIGHT ME! TRY AND EXTRADITE ME!’

Finn and I nodded in appreciation at his syllable count.

‘USE ME! ABUSE ME! PUT MY FINGERS IN THE SOCKET AND FUSE ME …’

‘Ooh, nasty scan.’

The noise was unbelievable. I could hear my eardrums rattle up and down. I kept an eye on Chali to see when she got to do her bit, but she was languidly dancing as if she was the most pissed-off person in the world – i.e., like a proper backing singer.

‘PRICK ME! LICK ME! YOU CAN TRY AND DICK ME …’

‘Here comes the catchy chorus,’ I predicted to Finn.

‘’COS I HATE MYSELF AND I WANNA DIE/I CUT MYSELF AND I WANNA DIE/I HATE MYSELF AND I WANNA DIE/I’M ALL ALONE AND I WANNA DIE!’

The crashing keyboards rose to a great crescendo.

‘WANNA DIE!’ trilled Chali and the tall girl. ‘WANNA DIE! WANNA DIE!’

Then everything cut off in a big wail of fake feedback. The singer took an elaborate bow.

‘HELLO, KING’S CROSS!’ he shouted ‘IT’S GREAT TO BE HERE!’

The crowd went wild, except for us four, who just stared at him.

‘I don’t think that man wants to die at all,’ said Kate eventually. ‘Which is disappointing, as I, for one, would be very happy to see him dead.’

‘It’s kind of like Nirvana, isn’t it?’ said Finn. ‘If they had never learned to play the guitar and, ehm, were, you know … shit.’

‘Chali’s good, though,’ I said loyally.

‘Yes, she is … I especially liked her “wanna dies”.’

I nodded.

‘Now!’ The singer was still yelling. ‘This is a song about how the state, right, it really tries to grind you down, right. So, just do your own thing, yeh?’

‘I thought so,’ said Josh.

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