Sunny by Sukh Ojla

Author:Sukh Ojla
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781529356953
Publisher: Hodder & Stoughton Ltd
Published: 2022-02-02T00:00:00+00:00

Chapter 20

‘So, you said on the phone last week that you were feeling a bit lost?’ The therapist’s voice is calm but direct. She’s new – and I’m hoping she’s a better fit. I need a good fit right now.

I had to tell Natalie everything that happened with the girls. The journey home was a nightmare; it was so awkward I could barely breathe, and the voice note to Michael just made me feel completely shit – it’s been weeks since then, but I’m still thinking about it all the time. As soon as Natalie heard the whole story, she immediately insisted that I give therapy another go. She’s been in therapy since she was eighteen and goes through therapists like I go through giant bars of Fruit & Nut. This is someone who was recommended to her by a woman she met on a yoga retreat in Sri Lanka. She’s more expensive than the first therapist, so I’m hoping we can wrap this up in six sessions. I am balls-deep in my overdraft and still have to buy a new dress for Anj’s hen do next month, which is the only thing she’s talking to me about at the moment. All my going-out clothes are far too old and tight for public consumption.

‘I never did have the best sense of direction,’ I reply drily.

She doesn’t say anything. Instead, she purses her thin lips slightly and looks down at her A4 notepad. It’s still got the price sticker on it. For some reason, this really pisses me off.

‘Do you often use humour to mask your feelings?’ She cocks her head, her mouth turned up in the faintest of smiles. I wait for her to carry on talking. She doesn’t. To my horror, I realise she’s waiting for an answer.

I want to say yes, yes, I do actually, Wendy. Because life is a bloody struggle, and we could all do with a laugh. Also, aren’t all fat people supposed to be funny? That’s the age-old trope. Fat, jolly person who has a great sense of humour to make up for their physical shortcomings. Get on board. I don’t make the rules.

‘I guess . . .’ I say weakly, hoping she’ll drop it.

‘It’s a very common defence mechanism,’ she says, not unkindly, though I still feel myself blush like I’ve been caught out. But I’m not backing down.

‘Well, you have to develop a sense of humour if you’re fat. Especially if you’re not pretty. That’s why so many attractive people are so dull. They’ve never had to try, have they? Mind you, I’d rather be interesting and ugly than fit and boring as . . . hell.’ I smile, proud of myself for not dropping an F-bomb. She continues to stare at me and nods her head slightly, like she’s trying to figure me out. Which I guess she is. I just wish she’d hurry up about it, as we’ve only got ten minutes until the end of the session.

‘Is that how

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