Stop Signs by Lynn Fairweather

Author:Lynn Fairweather [Fairweather, Lynn]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Non-fiction, Psychology
ISBN: 9781580053877
Amazon: 1580053874
Goodreads: 13235737
Publisher: Basic Books
Published: 2012-04-10T06:00:00+00:00

If I had a dollar for every time I heard a woman say, “I thought he would change,” I could fund a shelter large enough to house them all when he doesn’t. Trust your sincere judgment of the partner who has shown a controlling and violent personality; it is the problem at the core of all his others, and it will not alter easily.

3. Love hurts: It’s not real if it doesn’t.

Sometime at the start of second grade, a cruel, hostile boy stole my lunchbox and shoved me to the ground, resulting in copious tears and a school year full of anxiety around future attacks. When I complained to the teacher, her only response was, “He’s just teasing you because he has a crush on you.” And so begins for many girls the social conditioning that leads them to believe that conflict and passionate aggression are to be associated with romantic relationships. While love can inspire powerful emotions in people, nowhere is it written that mental, physical, or sexual abuse is in any way excusable or tolerable. Poetry and roses are expressions of love; jealousy and threats are not. Sure, lovers argue, but healthy relationships don’t include prolonged patterns of psychological torture, and they certainly don’t include violence. The moment that a man or a woman intentionally causes physical harm to an intimate partner, they have crossed a line into the entirely unacceptable. They have not only committed an act of abuse but also demonstrated their willingness to “up the game,” embarking on a ladder of aggression and risk. In true love, it may hurt to be away from someone, but it should never hurt to be with them.

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