Starship Ass Complete Omnibus by Ethan Freckleton & J R Frontera

Author:Ethan Freckleton & J R Frontera [Freckleton, Ethan & Frontera, J R]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Funny Ass Fiction
Published: 2020-04-14T22:00:00+00:00

18

Redbeard pressed himself up against the end of the lockers, dodging back just in time to avoid a slew of laser bolts. He coughed as the smell of burning ozone assailed his nose. Whew, tha’ was close. Think it might a’ singed me hair...

“Sure, yeah,” Kitt called from across the room. She, too, ducked back behind her cover as a few shots blasted her way. “This was a great idea, Red. Just great!”

He scowled, dropping to one knee, and peeked around the row of metal lockers to take a few return shots at the Effin’ Feds. “Hey, I didn’t know tha Effin’ Feds were in the showers. How the bloody hell was I suppos’d ta know tha’!?” He pulled back into cover and then turned to run behind the next row of lockers. He shoved a hand through his wild hair to push back the messy locks that had fallen into his face and looked at his ferocious feline companion across the expanse of the Federation locker room. “An’ anyway, wha’ ya complainin’ about? Didn’t ya wanna kill some Effin’ Feds?”

Her golden eyes met his, and a feral grin spread across her face. “Absolutely.”

He shook his head at her. “Then wha’s yer bloody problem?!”

“Well…” she paused to duck out and squeeze off a few shots with her pistol. “The point was to get in and out without being seen. I’d say they know we’re here, now.”

“Sure…” Redbeard paused as a Fed came around the corner of the lockers and smashed his pistol across the young man’s face.

The Fed crumpled unconscious to the floor, his towel miraculously staying in place.

“These Effin’ Feds know we’re here, but they haven’t been able ta alert tha rest o’ tha ship, so long as we keep ‘em contained, we’re fine.”

They had caught this batch of Federation sailors with their pants down—literally. And as such, they hadn’t had weapons or communicators on them when they’d emerged from the showers only to find a ginger giant of a man and a cat alien rifling through their neatly hanging uniforms. Carefully placed pistol shots from Redbeard and Kitt had managed to make it very difficult for them to retrieve anything useful, whether that might be a weapon or an item of clothing.

And yet, a few of the sailors had managed to grab up a rifle or two.

Unfortunately for those sailors, they were reluctant to let go of the towels held around their waists, and weren’t very good at shooting rifles one-handed. Redbeard could understand their modesty, even if their efforts were misplaced. Better to lose a fight one-handed than to be exposed as an inferior opponent, he figured.

Kitt’s pupils were dilated from all the excitement, the fur around her neck and tail fluffed out. “So what you’re telling me is that I’m free to incapacitate every single one of these bastards?”

“Aye, arrr, tha’s wha’ I’m sayin’.” The success of their mission depended on it, in fact.

Kitt gave a happy chirp.

“Hey!” one of the Effin’ Feds shouted from the shower-side of the room.

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