Sleep till Noon by Max Shulman

Author:Max Shulman
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Open Road Integrated Media

CHAPTER 10

I got home about five-thirty that evening, kissed the maid, and tiptoed upstairs to see how Miss Geddes was feeling. As I came into her room she was sitting on a chaise longue talking to a tall, thin young woman dressed in the height of fashion. They did not notice my entrance.

“But what can I do, Mavis?” Miss Geddes was saying.

Now I recognized my wife’s visitor: Mavis Atterbury, wife of Payson Atterbury and undisputed social leader of Ivanhoe Gardens. What a charming coincidence, I thought, to have Mr. Atterbury call on me and Mrs. Atterbury call on my wife all in the same day.

“You’ve got to try to make a go of this marriage, Esme,” said Mrs. Atterbury.

“Have you seen him?” asked Miss Geddes.

Well, looks aren’t everything, I thought.

“Well, looks aren’t everything,” said Mrs. Atterbury.

I nodded.

“He’s lonesome,” said Miss Geddes.

Perhaps she said “loathsome.” I didn’t quite catch it. My ears were still ringing from the noise of the stock tickers.

“You’ll get used to it,” said Mrs. Atterbury.

It must have been “loathsome.”

“Many unattractive people learn to turn their handicaps to social assets,” said Mrs. Atterbury. “Do you remember Emily Heath who went to Bennington with us?”

“The one who was drum majorette of the school band?”

“That’s the one. Remember the time she threw her baton up in the air and lost it in the sun and it fell right through the top of her head?”

“Yes. And the doctors couldn’t get it out.”

“That’s right. She had to go around with ten inches of chromium rod sticking out of her skull.”

“Yes, I remember. She was pretty embarrassed about it. Left school finally, didn’t she?”

“She went back home. At first she used to sit all day in a dark room and brood and refuse to see people.”

Understandable, I thought.

“But after awhile,” Mrs. Atterbury continued, “she got to thinking. She took some ribbons and flowers and tulle and tied them to the baton and went out. Everybody thought it was a hat and told her how chic it was. She began to change the decorations on her baton every time she went out, and pretty soon the whole town was raving about her hats. Last month she had an article in Vogue called ‘How I Triumphed Over a Horrible Disfigurement to Become the Millinery Style Leader of Spokane, Washington.’”

“Maybe I ought to stick something in Harry’s head,” mused Miss Geddes.

I blanched.

“Oh, I don’t think that’s necessary,” said Mrs. Atterbury.

My color returned.

“The thing to do,” she went on, “is to find some characteristic of his that can be used to make him socially acceptable.”

“Like what?” asked Miss Geddes.

“I haven’t met your husband. What would you say is his outstanding trait?”

“He’s real dumb,” replied Miss Geddes promptly.

“That has never been a disadvantage in society,” observed Mrs. Atterbury. “Tell me some more about him.”

“He’s ungainly, crude, gauche—”

“There you have it!” cried Mrs. Atterbury. “A rough diamond. How refreshing it will be to have a passionate, brooding man in our set.”

I knit my brows and brooded passionately.

“Naah,” said Miss Geddes.

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.