Short Back and Sides by Peter Quinn

Author:Peter Quinn
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Gill & Macmillan

The beer tray

8 December 2009

Customer: I was at the Pogues gig the other night. Man, it was brilliant! Shane MacGowan said that the beer tray is the best traditional Irish instrument!

Barber: The beer tray? How do you play a beer tray?

Customer: He hits it off his head. You know, like a drum.

Barber: Now why doesn’t that surprise me!

Doomsday budget

9 December 2009

Customer: I thought I’d better get my hair cut today because I might not be able to afford it tomorrow.

Barber: Yeah, the media are making it out that the whole country will be like Limerick in Angela’s Ashes.

Customer: And Gormley? What’s he doing? Looking for over a hundred grand to count frogs?

Barber: I heard that Enda Kenny said Gormley was hopping mad. You know they’re calling them the Light Greens now?

Customer: Why don’t we just hand the country back to the English? Then we wouldn’t have to go up North to buy drink, and they might build a few schools too.

Barber: Or the French . . .

Customer: Oh, no, not after Henry’s handball. No, we should just march the Government down to Dublin Castle—I wouldn’t let those lads run the Tayto factory, by the way—a few of the bankers and bishops too, and have a firing squad waiting. The police would be on our side, after the pension contribution fiasco. Then we could get rid of NAMA and start again—just like rewinding the clock back to 1922.

Barber: That would fix it. We might get it right this time. Independence isn’t easy!

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