Sex and the Office by Kim Elsesser

Author:Kim Elsesser [Elsesser, Kim]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Taylor Trade Publishing
Published: 2015-07-01T16:00:00+00:00

What Will Everyone Think?

Although friendly conversations with cross-sex coworkers can sometimes lead to misinterpretation by one of the conversation partners, other coworkers may also think there’s more than a friendship blossoming. In elementary school were you ever teased because of a friendship with an opposite-sex playmate? My ten-year-old son’s friends are almost exclusively male. That’s not unusual. Starting in the elementary school years, children avoid cross-sex friendships because they fear their friends will think they’re dating their cross-sex friend, or that they “like” or “love” their cross-sex friend. Indeed, those boys who befriend girls and those girls who befriend boys are subject to intense teasing about the nature of the friendship.17 In one study, some elementary school boys revealed that they secretly “liked” one girl in particular. However, the boys were hesitant to spend time with this girl or to talk to her, because they feared that they would be teased by their peers. Furthermore, the boys did not share their feelings about this girl with anyone, but if the secret got out, the “couple” was often made the brunt of their friends’ jokes.18

Even in the rare situations where children have a cross-sex friend (not someone they “like,” but an actual friend of the opposite sex), they tend not to reveal the friendship at school. Although they may acknowledge the friend at school, they will restrict their play to same-sex friends while in public. Only in the privacy of their own home will they feel comfortable enough to play with the cross-sex friend. The stigma associated with cross-sex friendships is too great for the children to risk demonstrating their cross-sex friendship in public.

There is one situation where children comfortably interact with cross-sex peers at school, and that is when the interaction is directed by a teacher or other adult. If the teacher instructs a group of children to work together, then the danger that peers will think they, themselves, have sought out the opposite-sex partners is relieved. Without the chance their interaction will be perceived as “liking” the other, the mixed-sex groups can work together comfortably.19

So, eventually, as we age, our friends stop teasing us about spending time with the opposite sex, and we can pursue these friendships without fear of ridicule. Or do they? At the other end of the age spectrum, research indicates the elderly seem just as concerned about their cross-sex friendships as the elementary-age children. Much as the children felt that interaction with the opposite sex indicated “liking” or “loving,” interviews with unmarried, elderly women revealed these women felt a friendship with a man was the same as a romantic, dating relationship. These older women perceived all male friends as courting them.20

The elderly women exhibited the same fear of peer ridicule as the elementary school children. Just like the children, these women went to great lengths to hide their male friendships to eliminate any suggestion that they were behaving “improperly.” One woman described her behavior when a male friend came to visit: “I don’t let him in my apartment.

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