Seahorse by Khara L. Campbell

Author:Khara L. Campbell [Campbell, Khara L.]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781480874251
Publisher: Archway Publishing
Published: 2019-04-10T04:00:00+00:00

fifteen

Caroline

How did I get here? I rub my eyebrows, my eyelids. How did I get here? It seems like this is somebody else’s life. Did I get dealt the worst possible hand? Me or my baby. This has to be a joke, a cruel, humorless joke. I keep waiting for someone to yell “April Fools!” But it’s October.

I sit across from Chris at one of our favorite restaurants, Stephanie’s on Newbury Street. The big green awning and twinkle lights wrapped around the trees have always been so charming to me. It’s chilly – two weeks from Halloween – but thankfully, the patio is still open. The heat lamps turn an otherwise intolerable situation into one that feels cozy, even romantic – or wishing to. The street is lit up with even more twinkle lights and shoppers on the iconic brick-lined promenade which has always been a great place to people-watch the wealthy.

Chris and I haven’t said much since I got here. To say we’re not ourselves is a gross understatement. I’d like to tell him I didn’t go to work the last two days, but then I’d have to explain that I went to the doctor without him. I had planned to go into the office for a couple hours, but it’s funny how once you know you’re going to die, finishing a killer ad campaign for Nike doesn’t have the same appeal.

I take a swooping dive with my chip into Stephanie’s signature lobster guacamole and pile drive it into my mouth. I know I should be devastated, but I’m fucking starving. Cancer 0, Baby 1.

Chris is tense. I’m not sure if it’s work, or the last ten days of doctor appointments and the second, third, and fourth opinions.

“Are you ok, hon?” I lean forward and touch his hand.

He grabs for his wine, takes a swig. “Fine.”

“You seem – preoccupied.”

“I think that’s a fair assessment. Why are you so calm?”

“I’m not sure. Maybe it’s because there’s no other choice,” I say.

“No other choice than to be calm? Or because you think they’re right about you?”

“I mean, four different doctors. I think it’s safe to say I have cancer.”

He slams his glass down. Diners look over. “Well, it doesn’t mean it’s not curable,” he adds. “My cousin had breast cancer, and…”

“This isn’t breast cancer.”

“Well we can explore more options.”

“I met with Dr. Ryan today.”

“Without me?”

“I needed to hear the facts on my own, get a clear perspective.”

“Without me.”

“I needed to hear my own thoughts.”

He lifts the wine bottle from the table, fills his glass and takes an even bigger swig. “This isn’t just about you, Caroline.”

“I know it isn’t. It’s about all three of us, and I need to think carefully about what to do.”

“This is an us decision, something we come to. Not Caroline McCafferty, Caroline and Chris Shaughnessy. You don’t decide this on your own!”

“Chris, lower your voice.”

“Don’t tell me what to do!”

Chris gets up and hurries down the sidewalk. I follow him and I see he’s lighting a cigarette.

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