Sad Janet by Lucie Britsch

Author:Lucie Britsch [Britsch, Lucie]
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
ISBN: 9781409198673
Google: lEbNDwAAQBAJ
Publisher: Orion
Published: 2020-06-15T23:00:00+00:00

* * *

As I pull my big coat on, I see a few people gathering by the door. They’re going for a drink, it seems, not because they’re friends now, just because they’re all going to the nearest bar, because alcohol, and it would be weird for them all to go and sit separately when they’re coming from the same place. I could go to a different, farther-away bar, I think. Better still, I could buy a bottle of something and go to a park, relive my youth.

No one asks me if I want to come. Nevertheless, I turn and smile and say, No, but thanks anyway. They all look at me like Whatever, which is the correct way to look at me.

Then one girl, whose name I can’t remember, asks what my lipstick is. Usually I’d laugh, but I’m not feeling myself, so I tell her it’s ChapStick and I bite my lips a lot.

I can tell she thinks I’m disgusting, but she says, Oh, I wish I could pull off that natural look, and I smile and nod and say nothing about her eyebrows, which are drawn on badly. For a moment I think I feel sadder about her eyebrows than about my life. It’s a Christmas miracle.

I don’t tell the girl I don’t do makeup, because from the looks of her she might assume I’m somebody’s outdated idea of a militant feminist, but really, it’s because I can’t be fucked. I used to wear makeup, when I was a teenager. Sometimes when people look at me with pity I want to shout, I was a teenage girl once! so they know I can survive anything. Anyway, one time a boy told me that he liked how I didn’t wear a lot of makeup like the other girls, and I felt so cheated because I’d actually bothered that day. I had spent the little money I had on a bunch of cosmetic crap and he didn’t even notice. Boys are fucking stupid. I still slept with him, but I was mad as hell.

I spent my whole teenage years that way, having too much faith that one day boys would no longer be so stupid. I always knew I would be.

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