Ready Player Fun by Kern A.V

Author:Kern, A.V.
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2018-04-18T00:00:00+00:00

Chapter 6

“Greetings, seekers of the Mithril Dildo,” Captain Minosexaur said to us as we stepped out onto a lavish marble platform beneath a sweeping glass dome. “You may now attempt the third challenge of my game!”

“Where are we?” Ap0ll0 asked, staring at our surroundings in wide-eyed wonder as the portal winked closed behind us.

Beyond the dome that stretched overhead was a whole ocean of blue—literally an ocean. Dolphins, fish, and brightly-colored coral were visible through the thick glass, and as I stared upward the massive shadow of a blue whale twisted lazily by, high above us. The marble platform was set atop a pyramid in the middle of a city whose chalk-white buildings twisted in the fantastic architectural styles of a mad sculptor’s wild dreamscape, and far below citizens in brightly colored tunics and sandals milled aimlessly around the base of the pyramid, going about their NPC lives as they wove in and out of the buildings.

“I think it’s Atlantis,” I said hesitantly. “It must be a secret level of the O-Face.”

“Atlantis?”

“Yes… actually, I’m certain now. It tracks.”

“How so?”

“Well, you said yourself that mithril was also alleged to be found in Númenor, according to Tolkien’s later works, which Shaw would have known. He also would have known that Tolkien intended Númenor to be a thinly-veiled reference to—”

“—Atlantis,” Ap0ll0 finished with me. He whistled softly. “That is some wacky chain of connections, Shaw. Okay, Captain Minosexaur. What do we have to do to lay our hands on your Mithril Dildo?”

But Captain Minosexaur simply yawned and shrugged at us, smiling wryly.

“Hmm,” I said. “I guess that’s part of the challenge. We need to figure out what we’re supposed to do on our own. Let’s think for a moment… Did Shaw have any other connection to Atlantis?”

“That’s a tough one. I guess Aquaman and Namor were both known pop culture heroes in the 80s tied to Atlantis.”

“Yes, but neither of them featured prominently in Shaw’s past. Plus they’re both totally lame. It’s got to be something else. Both of the prior challenges were intimately tied to Shaw’s life in some way.”

“It’s really kind of sad, if you think about it…” Ap0ll0 remarked. “He wanted to be known so badly that he made the primary requirement for his contest an intimate knowledge of his private, inner life. That must have been one lonely dude.”

“Stop it! Don’t get all sappy on me now. The tragic, lonely fellowship-seeking of the creator figure and the archetypal nerd-outsider was a theme that’s already been explored in the source material. This parody is a work of comedy, not a heartfelt drama.”

“Sorry, you’re right. Maybe we should just look around?”

We walked down the massive staircase to the base of the pyramid, where the humanoid denizens of Atlantis wandered back and forth, seemingly without purpose. Why would Shaw have put people here if they weren’t going to actually do anything? I wondered.

“Excuse me,” Ap0ll0 said, grabbing the arm of one of the NPCs. “Can you answer a few questions for us?”

“Kreet,” he replied, staring at Ap0ll0 with flat, unintelligent eyes.

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